Russian Roulette

sometimes

a cry for help is more of a suggestion

less guttural

more grindr

no tear drops

just torn skin

exchange sentences for single words

hope that someone notices

leave the front door open

play russian roulette with fate

of who may make an entrance

leave your closet door open

think about crawling back in

facebook stalk your rapist

because you just felt like it

facebook stalk your best friend

because you just need to feel

reread your messages

laugh at how naïve you were

reread of last year’s suicide

laugh at how in love you were

forget teeth

show bones

rearrange your sock drawer

for the third time that week

you haven’t worn shoes in months

pull out all your coloring books

bleed outside the lines

call your therapist

lipsync to his voicemail

don’t leave a message at the tone

sing along to hawthorne heights

swear your name is holden

suck cold air through your cavities

choke down that glass of coke

swallow another bag of M&Ms

pack a bag full of new skin

leave them both unzipped

contemplate picking up cigarettes

just for the aesthetic

study magic

attempt to make yourself disappear

turn your phone off

so you can’t hear the world’s silence

never sound

only clatter

write your thoughts into a poem

never make an edit

for surely,

only you will ever hear it cry