Rewiring My Mind

I’ve been trying to sort through this ignorant shit in my mind.

I’ve been trying to learn what is wrong and right.

The more I learn, the more I realize everything is a fucking lie.

There’s no way to get out when that’s how you learned how to survive in life.

It’s like I need rehabilitation.

Because every time I think I’m gaining strides,

I come back down and realize I’m still not alive.

I’m still stuck in this wash and dry cycle of cries.

I’m still stuck in this tunnel and can’t see the light.

I’m still stuck in this endless bottle of wine.

And it makes sense right?

I tell myself there’s no meaning in life.

I tell myself that I don’t deserve to fight.

I tell myself I can’t find it inside.

Even though I’ve felt it once or twice,

I’ve seen how God can clear my sight.

But I just lay here and sigh,

Hoping that someone else will come and make it alright.

I’m growing wings but what’s the use when I’m too scared to fly?

Always slouching because I’m ashamed of my height

Never considering the fact that this is part of the ride

Life can’t always be a fucking delight

I just hate the part when I’m not gaining insight.

I’m too attached to my pride

And I let it tear me apart in broad daylight

All those text messages and I don’t reply,

And I know that’s probably impolite

I don’t want to be another washed up parasite.

I look in the mirror and I’m still petrified

When all my bad thoughts become magnified.

I hold onto too much carbon dioxide,

My words mix together and now I’m tongue tied

Always sitting on the edge of the poolside

Covered head to toe to hide my cellulite

Where will you go when you cast yourself aside?

When will you see the world isn’t black and white?

Looking at the earth hollow eyed

All because that lady with blue eyes

Told you you were dissatisfied

How are you going to take advice from a woman living at her own grave site?

I know that it hurts deep inside

It has become another soundbite

Maybe this is all something you can rewrite

Just turn on the headlight in your own mind.

It won’t happen overnight

But when you’re on your top flight,

And not so fucking preoccupied

By the way other people perceive your starlight

Everything will be clarified.

So you should admire your jawline

And open your eyes wide

And not let stupid shit eat you up inside.