Rediscovering Love: Transcending Self-Interest in a Modern World

In our contemporary society, the essence of love appears to be diminishing, overshadowed by a self-serving mentality that I refer to as "what's in for me." The narrative of Remy of Kotzk vividly illustrates this point. Remy once encountered a young man savoring a dish of fish and questioned his motive. "Why are you eating that fish?" Remy asked. The young man replied, "Because I love fish." Remy retorted, "You don't love the fish; you love yourself. The fish merely satisfies your taste buds." Too often, what we label as love resembles "fish love," centered on fulfilling personal desires rather than genuine care for the other.

Consider the typical scenario of a young couple professing love for each other. What does this love entail? It often signifies a perception that the other person can fulfill their physical and emotional needs. Yet, this "love" is inherently self-centered, viewing the partner as a means to gratification. Rabbi Destler's insight sheds light on this dynamic, suggesting that love is not merely about receiving but about giving. True love emanates from a place of selflessness, where one's focus shifts from personal gain to sincere giving. Love, in its purest form, transcends selfish desires, embracing the act of surrendering oneself to another.

The notion of falling in love, as Alan Watts describes, embodies an act of faith and surrender, akin to the fundamental essence of life itself. It requires relinquishing control and embracing vulnerability, an act deemed "madness" yet paradoxically, the epitome of sanity. Love, in its authentic form, necessitates giving oneself up, a concept that defies conventional wisdom but holds profound truth. It's about committing to another person unconditionally, investing oneself wholly in the relationship.

However, in today's society, love often becomes synonymous with fulfilling needs, akin to various other human requirements like food and sleep. While legitimate, this perspective reduces love to a transactional exchange, devoid of genuine depth. Love driven solely by needs is fleeting, as it hinges on external factors rather than a deeper, spiritual connection. The essence of love lies in transcending personal needs, embracing humility, and focusing on giving rather than receiving.

Love, when viewed through a spiritual lens, assumes a transcendent quality, elevating it beyond mere gratification. It entails nurturing companionship, intimacy, and care, rooted in a shared vision and purpose. True love encompasses not only physical and emotional compatibility but also spiritual alignment, where both partners aspire to grow and evolve together. It's about mutual giving, where each person contributes to the relationship's enrichment and growth.

In essence, love is an action, not merely an emotion. It's about behaving in ways that foster connection and unity, recognizing the inherent interconnectedness of all beings. Love is the ultimate reality that imbues life with meaning and purpose, echoing the divine commandments to love God and love one's neighbor. In a world marred by self-interest, rediscovering the true essence of love is paramount, for it is love that makes life truly worth living.

The concept of love, in its authentic form, transcends the boundaries of selfish desires and transactional exchanges. It's about embracing vulnerability, surrender, and selflessness, paving the way for profound connection and spiritual growth. As individuals navigate the complexities of modern life, reclaiming the true essence of love becomes essential, for it is love that enriches our lives, nurtures our souls, and imbues existence with meaning and purpose.