Raleigh Superba

Dear Dad,

I wanted to tell you

Sometimes it takes fifty years

For me to understand

I wanted to tell you

Fifty years ago

I was already taller than you

Had outgrown my prized

Purple spider bike

With the black banana seat

And the chrome ape hanger handlebars

I wanted to tell you

That you decided I needed an adult bike

Poo-pooing the “Youth Bikes”

My friends were getting

Even though they were cool

Had racing seats, narrow tires

Dropped handle bars

With white nylon wrapped hand brakes

I wanted to tell you that

I wanted the Sears Free Spirit

With the white handlebars

Red and blue frame

Dual derailleur in front

Five speed read derailleur

Rat trap pedals

Side pull brakes

It would have made me happy

It would have been cheap

I wanted you to know that

Instead, you purchased Consumer Reports

And read product reviews

Determining that a Raleigh Superba

A “Consumer Reports Best Buy”

With puke green front and rear fenders,

A rear cargo rack

Upright handlebars fit for a grandpa

And only three speeds

I wanted you to know

That I was humiliated

I got the dorkiest bike in the neighborhood

Hard to ride in mountainous West El Paso

On that bike

I didn’t fit in

I couldn’t keep up

I thanked you

Because I knew money was tight

But I was mortified

I wanted you to know

Forty years later

After you were gone

Diana wanted to get me

A really nice racing bike

She took me to a bike shop

That sold Raleighs

The cheapest one was $900

A decade ago

I wanted you to know

That I finally understood

That you wanted to do something really nice for me

Wanted to give me something of my own

That was the best

In that difficult summer

When we’d moved

When I had no friends and a new school

Not long before Mom got cancer the first time

I wanted you to know

That I’m a dad now

And I know what it’s like

To want to do the best

For your kids

Who don’t not understand

Or are embarrassed

Or aren’t interested

In what you want to give them

I wanted you to know

That I’m old now

That I look shockingly like you

That the years have taught me

To really appreciate

What you gave me—a home,

Clothes, school, work ethic

Blue eyes and a stocky build

I wanted you to know

I could only appreciate

How hard it is to be a father

After I became one

Keeping food on the table,

Lights and water running,

Navigating the crap in your own life

While raising another

But mostly

I want you to know

That I am profoundly grateful

For that 1973 Raleigh

Superba

Love,

Junior