Precious Encounters

A Collection of Poems and Prose Based on My Experience in My Eighteen Year Old Life

last day of spring

undesirable vs unreachable

set in an independent film

you gaze different at the garden

i'm covered in embroidery

the white emphasizes your coloring

surrounded by an entrancing pink

slow, alternative beat; eyelashes blink

attention landed on me

sensed: intelligent energy

acid brains recognize atomically

we understood time conceptually

beautiful days, i almost didn't believe them

blinded by the rays

see you soon

we have a couple more months until the sunflowers bloom

am i in your dreams yet

i travel from now to the '75 june

lo-fi

take me back to the space we created

so sacred

micro-doses with breakfast

i'm affected

electric, eccentric

i'm in it

forever with it

we were intergalactic

in unfamiliar spaces

your eyes melted on mine

earth's attention, the wind

tried to capture, so divine

nothing was time

marbled table line

ring low fidelity

my mind imagines you

as a melody

sun held me tight

bones and skin, we are small

put me in your space shuttle

slow down

feel your heart beating

let your mind flutter

your state of being thrives

and we are like no other

leave our mark and grow clean

as the moon illuminates me

she wants to be seen

i'm sure she sees the one i want to see

like the nursery rhyme

that stuck with me

2005

cowlicks and chubby cheeks

dad would call me in for a bath when the streetlights came on

bruises on my knees

chocolate milk and bee stings

jumps off the swings

the pool and the sandbox

summer was everyday

following mom between the flowerbeds and kitchen

the neighborhood kids, i would listen

bike so fast and shoot hoops

my doll's hair was braided in loops

care bears and play dough

thumb in my mouth, i was silent

crying at the thought of growing up

big fluffy white clouds in a baby blue

i would stare

i hoped my older sister would always be there

holding my hand on morning walks to school

the classroom was never the place for me

with a desire to be free

read books, watched tv

disruptions always came so mean

and in different ways i'm the same

never changed

space

you'll live forever in me

yellow fields grow vibrant from the setting sun

it's screaming with heat

the sun, she's heartbroken

craving help from all below her

maybe he pointed at space and stars appeared. they surrounded the moon he molded and vibrated with gravity. his art projects of constellations formed, and there came aquarius, and there came me. he breathed into us, and we were

analog

read me through the grooves

instant voltage with you

recording directs too

dark room with you

im filled with chemicals too

your medium attracts who

meet me downtown

afternoon

theyre only visible

in june

skipping

for you

all while i

bloom

fumes

me

you

life's motion picture

beating, yet, fluttering

a never ending love

music in your ears

sunlight in your eyes

grass tickling your feet

plants on your tongue

soft coolness through your nose

laughter resonating from

every street corner

every seaside

every mountain

there's no escape-

no need

there is freedom-

genuine kindness

all kinds of life overflowing

of love

sunflower butter

my heart,

your sunflower butter

melted on

inevitable change;

you're already gone

your smile wide

your dimples deep

your grid is random

your vibe is sweet

nothing's real

but i feel everything

i'm trying to live in june

summertime groove

you thought she loved you

even the retired sunflowers still revive

never fail to linger in my mind

you'll always be sunflower butter

even when we don't feel alive

inevitable change;

you're already gone

my heart,

your sunflower butter

melted on

candy bars

i always found beauty though

feelings run too slow

liquefied guitars

and permanent smoke

sunset beach has

welcoming warms

filters don't saturate you

anymore

yearn

as if my heart and mind didn't travel with the experience you taught it.

optimism was hard to maintain, and i craved euphoria. i was the moon orbiting earth. i yearned for anything to read my hieroglyphics. i wanted to be recognized as a product of love like the rest, and found beautiful as the sun set behind me, lighting me up and displaying how i am inside.

doing everything alone, i am constantly waiting for someone to come.

sixth hour

then there came a time when my heart was so full of love that it grew bigger than my soul, my being. i felt gravity pulling me away from earth but there was no other place to go. my love was no longer in others' hearts. i was a useless nothing. i believed my time was up, i wanted to disappear. but when i did, i truly died. my body didn't just go, my soul did too. i was forgotten. all of my creation was gone, i was nonexistent as a whole. my spirit wanted to linger when i died, but the world didn't want it to. nothing loved me, i don't remember loving myself. that's when i was positive my heart died, but my body and soul lived on in the end, and it hurt. i ached and begged for someone to embrace me and love me. i needed another heart to revive mine. i had nothing to believe in to look up to for guidance, no religion. i accepted the rejection and wanted to puff away and meet a different world.

i was detached from who i thought i was. i had been teleport-ed to a dark place where i wasn't strong enough to escape, and i was terrified because i had nothing. and when i fainted, i sunk into the clouds for ages, and it felt amazing. i was sinking and leaving all of my distress behind. falling gracefully. leaving my life and facing the next one. relief of the end.

cope

i know it hurts. i know keeping your mind open isn’t easy. beauty isn’t always apparent. small encounters and quiet ideas and slight misunderstandings are enough to tear you a bit more. fragile, you feel.

maybe the sun won’t set as early as you want it to because it’s telling you to come out from your place to bask in its warmth. or maybe because it’s april and it sets at the same time everyday without your approval.

it’s hard to believe some founding father of the u.s. decided to change clocks, with the intention of changing the concept of time.

you are allowed to overreact and live up to your sensitivity. you are allowed to sloth once in a great while if it is needed. do whatever you need to do to pause your life for a minute to catch up emotionally. realize your placement as a human being. grow aware, expand, sprawl out on the kitchen floor and breathe and know that this is all yours. pick the flowers at the national park. let the car go in front of you. don’t exactly be selfless, don’t be selfish. but treat all as how you'd treat yourself. don't just act as if you support equality, but also think and feel that all are equal. know what is good and what is right and thrive in your understanding in order to teach it. be an example.

you’ll forever hurt because your heart is too big, i know. you care too much. how you react to your negative feelings makes all the difference, though. cope: don’t hurt yourself while doing so.

b

lily pads surround us

medicated motivation

i knew i could travel

the subtle waves

there was a house show in west hill

and you were there, holding my pulse

the whole car ride home

me and my girl

we missed your party

with lines in his bathroom

you worry about me

i do, too

because if i break again

i'll be back in my floral and glitter

surrounded by an abundance of vinyls

and too much snow

how many times am i going to have to put myself together again

all my previous ways have been temporary

so you tuck me in my bed

i'm running a marathon in my head

nostalgia

a volkswagen running to a speed i'll never meet. everything i came into contact with was far, too advanced. i didn't comprehend but it was appealing. my midnight jasmine burns and you jump the train.

"you're damn interesting, i don't know why more people don't talk to you."

but you soon lost interest in me.

mahoning bridge

a small sense of familiarity;

the path stretched across the water.

releasing a new feeling,

a freely comfortable temperature.

forgetting to express their usual chromaticity,

the artist painted all in a blue-gray.

my own hair blinded me

as her breath directed us forward.

walking opposite of the motion picture,

i hoped we would

finish the bridge to turn and admire

before it finished.

components of healing

wave beneath me.

levitating orange in the sky

glows light hair.

blue eyes turn transparent

with a side profile view.

soon the light source

gone.

the stars, a true

gift to city kids.

boats docked,

swimmers dried off.

unforgettably

july.

epiphany mid-novel

the grass dewy

the air moist

my hair was damp

from a flowery shower

a pure and honest atmosphere

he couldn't love me

simply because

he didn't love earth

awareness expanded

i was clear

i touched his spirit

tried to sense his whole person

in sync, we were

do what you feel

no matter your circumstance

my time should go to myself now

pharmacy coffee

coffee at the pharmacy

bass on the gas pedal

nobody notices me

boy

takes prescribed accidentally

with a blonde girl, only fifteen

fifteen

girl

rooftop girl

i am numb

i am frozen still

surrounded by productivity

the world a machine

keep me alive

working, breathing

plug me into the outlet

i spark up

written in the books

that you look up

you want my input

then tell me i’m not enough

embarrassingly sensitive

wish you weren’t so rough

now it’s 11 at the pharmacy

i burnt my tongue

on cheap coffee

thinking what once was

wanna revisit what once was

you finally got a job

and that girl accused you of

how she can no longer breathe through her lungs

now you’re alone and welcomed in the club

of losers at the pharmacy

drinking from a foam coffee cup

dazzling

the bricks were buzzing

loud funky music

my platforms and your peacoat

berets and raybans

heavy head moves slowly

salt lights up space

euphoric starvation

guided dreams of you

gel sandals and tamagotchis

iridescent and velvet threads

headphones hooked up to a cd player

i've never even walked earth the same time kurt cobain did

international connection

we are one

spinning, sparkling, glowing

early eighteen notes

i learn to love myself even though you don't

you're free

i have the power

i still love you, after all that i have, i still want you

typewriters and ivy along brick

mozart echoes through old wooden floors

our insomnia isn't in sync anymore

what does that mean

i'll never forget you

but i may forget the feeling

just a slow way of killing yourself

crystal filled gums

i want to see who i am

i'll bloom

you'll wither

ignoring your potential

you wouldn't let me teach you how to breathe