Power

it bothers me how

so many years later

i still freeze whenever i cross your path.

i know i should not care

and i feel like i never do

but my body and minds betray me.

i can't help myself but hoping

you see me

and see how well i am

here and now

and that you regret letting me go.

it's not even because i still hope for something,

because i am over you and i have been for many years,

and because you've been the worst thing that happened to me,

really,

but i hope that you are not doing better

that you haven't grown

that you haven't change

because how much a better person can you have becomed

when you still look the same,

dress the same,

talk the same,

drive the same car,

hang out with the same people...

How much of the same you,

that had known me,

and supposedly loved me,

and hurt me,

remains?

i think i don't want you to change and move on,

cause i still feel like you don't deserve it.

You don't deserve to call what broke me a mistake

don't deserve to blame humanity

for all the shitty memories you left for me

of something that was supposed to be beautiful and memorable

in a good way.

don't deserve to look all grown up and happy

and fulfilled

when my stomach still turns when i see you,

when i still freeze and can't unnoticed your presence in the room,

when i still feel like i got to prove myself to you.

I hate having those feelings and thoughts at your sight

cause it means you still hold power somehow over me

and i

will never make the same mistake twice

and I've been the one

and the only one

having power over myself

ever since you.