Pond of Us

Soul Soothing Journey

Pond of Us

Checking the weather app on my phone, I walked from the kitchen back to the bedroom. I saw “today’s high will be in the 30’s” and I knew I’d made the right decision to stay home. I placed a mug full of coffee on the nightstand and put my phone on silent to then throw it into the closet.

“I’m for sure going to get called out at work when I go back,” I thought as I wrapped myself in a comforter and rested my head on the comfiest pillow I had ever used.

“If they fire me for calling out again, that’s on me. Whatever.” I folded the blanket under my feet and wrapped the blanket around my head to also cover my ears. Staring at the wall, the only thought that kept crossing my mind was,

“It’s not that I want to die, I just don’t want to exist.” My chest felt tight, but not in a way where I needed to visit a hospital. My throat felt like it was closing, but not in a way where I’d stop breathing. My body felt weak, but it wasn’t nutrients that I needed. I wanted to escape, and I didn’t want to exist in the minds of others. I wanted to be a floating speck of dust in a random part of earth.

Needing my chest, throat, and body to relax, I took a deep breath in through my nose and forcefully let it out. The wall I was staring at suddenly seemed like it was given life. It moved as if I had thrown a pebble into a pond. Stunned, my body felt numb and my mind went blank. I sat up and unraveled myself from the comforter. I moved closer to the wall, and once again took a deep breath and forcefully let it out through my mouth toward the wall. Again, it rippled.

I placed my hand on the wall and it felt as if I were touching the surface of water. Cold enough to sooth, warm enough for comfort. I gently pushed my hand, and it effortlessly went right through. I immediately pulled it back and held onto my arm.

“Erase me from the hearts and minds of others until I am ready to return,” I begged. I stood and fearlessly walked through the wall. Within an instant I was through. The beauty before my eyes was breath taking. There was something about the air in this place that made me feel alive. The atmosphere somehow seemed newborn.

To my right there was green grass and summer trees. The grass was taller than I was, and the leaves were crisp and vibrant. Behind me was a wall, the dirt wall that I had come through. I stood on a peachy dirt road and no-one and nothing else was there. To my left was a marvelous pond that was stopped by another ginormous dirt wall. I couldn’t see what was behind the wall, but the peachy dirt road moved along further than I could see.

I walked to the pond and saw directly through the clear water. All sorts of pebbles covered the ground. Shiny, dim, bright, and dark stones of all shapes, sizes, and colors. I reached in and picked up 3 stones; and the water was again warm for comfort yet cold enough to sooth. The rocks all had different textures and even provided breath taking scents of all sorts. This place seemed magical.

I placed the stones back into the water with curiosity of what was behind the wall. Peeking over, I saw a variety of trees, bushes, and flowers. Everything seemed so unreal.

All sorts of colors, shapes, and sizes once again. Trees, leaves, and flowers made of diamonds and gems, scents that stayed in their own space and new scents mixed in between; and each one played a different melody when the wind passed by.

Once again, a giant dirt wall blocked the trees, bushes, and flowers from whatever was on the other side — but in length, the land seemed to go on and on.

I walked past the next wall and came before another extraordinary sight. There was a sky, or somehow, many skies. There were many colors and in many shades; and there seemed to be no ground, yet I felt welcomed to enter. Walking on solid ground, yet seemingly floating in the air, spurts of visible wind flew everywhere. They were all different colors, shapes, and sizes.

I realized these spurts of wind seemed like spirits. They were speaking to one another, or maybe to themselves, in a variety of languages. None that I understood. Until, that is, one of these souls swept across my ear and whispered “exist, you must exist.”

“For what?” I asked, as my shoulders dropped in realization that I’d be sent back from this heaven. In unison, the soulful winds began to speak directly to me in whispering song.

“Your passion, your drive, your purpose for life — it’s cast deep inside and forever to hide — unless you seek it, search it, spend time to unearth it, force it to the top and stomp on what hurts it. You carry something inside, something no-one else has, something no-one will see unless you plan it to be. It’s what this world needs, don’t allow it to be — a hidden gem from the world, because it’s a gem the world needs. Breathe it, seek it, consume it, and speak it. Value your creator who created you to be it. Value yourself as a creation and don’t stop or demean it. Don’t give power to the lies, don’t falsify truth, the world desires your existence and the soul within you.”

I opened my eyes after closing them through the whispers. Back in my bed, with the comforter wrapped around me. I took a deep breath in and forcefully blew toward the wall. Nothing moved.

“Today I will rest, and tomorrow I’ll try again,” were the new words crossing my mind.