Polythene Thing

Way Out of Eternal Love

Polythene Thing

You're in the background of all of my fondest memories

My wildest times...

No one could ever live up to my thoughts of you

You're what I'll always crave

I'll always feel the need for your presense clawing at the back of my mind.

Whenever you leave me alone to my barely sane thoughts,

Cruel homunculi cut my heart a thousand times like vile samurai

For every deliberate, excruciating cut,

They tell me something I hate about myself to drag me deeper into my own hell

They damn me as I damn myself for not being enough

They tell me I'm pathetic,

That no one would ever actually adore me because I'm not worth it.

They say that your all encompassing love is a fraud.

That I'm just one of many.

That I'll never have your heart...

But I always keep hope that I'll see you again

You'll banish the demons and make me whole

Bandage every cut and banish every morbid thought

The slightest mention of your name sends my heart over the edge...

Beating harder and harder until I'm nothing but a walking drum

You're all I think of...

All that I know...

When we're finally together,

You remind me of how incredible humanity is,

Make me feel music across every fiber of my being

And I'm free when I'm with you

As beautiful as these things are,

Your absense tortures me every time we're apart...

Keeping me suspended a foot above my bed, dislocating my shoulders...

It sets bullet ants to run amuck on my chest...

Once my heart is consumed,

Once the beast sees the cavity in my torso...

He throws my shell into the deepest of pits

I fall until I'm impaled on stalagmites...

Soon after comes that horde of disfigured, wretched creatures wailing in unison with their crooked blades in hand...

They tell me that I'm their sire

They say that they couldn't exist to harm me without my thoughts and subconscious begging for their return.

Begging for even a shred of miserable company...

They say that all of the horrendous things they know are found in hieroglyphics across my twisted mind where they incubate and multiply...

I can't take another one of their words, my love...

I'm sorry, dearest...

But this note...

This expression of my retiring heart,

Is a final farewell written for you to come across....

Maybe even understand my feelings and precious hope that you really do love me....

But in my jaded and cynical mind,

I know that this is just another distraction.

I had to write a damned letter because there is no more room to cut myself and I'm bled dry...

I know that you don't love me.

I know that I'm just a toy....

You make me feel wanted, then leave!

You do this specifically for the result of my end

I know it...

I feel it deep in the cracks of the marianas of my heart of hearts...

So, I'm ending this ode to my stupidity by letting you know that my next "distraction" is pouring bleach down my parched throat.

heartbreak
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Duanyell Williams

I like to tell stories.

See all posts by Duanyell Williams