Poems from the Darkest Part of My Mind

Poems written by a Borderline struggling with Depression, Anxiety, Anorexia, OCD, and PTSD.

March 23, 2013

I'm sitting here listening to the deafening silence

I'm feeling as cold as the arctic sea

The darkess puts out all of the lights

I'm waiting...

Will some one rescue me?

I use her phone to tell you I love you

Because I know what your answer will be

You'll tell me that you love me, too

I'm waiting...

You just saved me.

The darkness is much stronger now

It seeks to crush my soul

I fight back with the strength I lack

I'm waiting...

Tell me I'm not alone.

Loneliness creeps into my heart

The source of all my breathing

I attempt to push it out

I'm waiting...

My breath is slowing.

My words take more effort

They are fewer and farther between

I'm scared

I'm waiting...

I'm mostly dead.

April 10, 2013

Today, time is a bomb

Tick tick...

It's about to go off.

Maybe I should run...

But when I move, I don't

And when I stand, I fall

Tick tick...

Nowhere to go.

Tick tick...

Nowhere to hide.

I wish you were here

To keep me safe

Tick tick...

I'm going to die.

When I'm gone...

Put a rose on my grave?

Tick tick... BOOM

April 10, 2013 (Evening)

It's crushing me...

The darkness...

It taking its toll.

They're killing me...

The walls...

They're crushing my soul.

I can't think.

I can't breathe.

Maybe I should eat?

No! No food.

It's the enemy.

But is it?

Is it really?

How could it be?

ED's telling lies...

Making a fool of me.

My arms want to bleed

And my hands want to burn...

Why is it that when I hurt

I want to hurt more?

But I can't!

I can't do it!

Though a much harder choice...

I close my eyes

And I hear a voice.

But it's not the monster

That lives in my head

Who comes out at night

When I'm under my bed...

No, this is much kinder...

It's someone who cares.

And with my eyes closed

I see him there.

His words keep me living

When I want to die...

A simple "I love you"

And I try not to cry...

I don't deserve this!

Screams the voice in my mind.

But "you are worth it"

Keeps me in the fight

For you...

Only you...

I'm holding on tonight.

(ED = Eating Disorder)

April 23, 2013

I want to die...

Yes, you heard me right

I'm sick of life

And long, sleepless nights

I'm tired of hurting

I'm weary of acting

It's almost 12:30

And they won't shut up.

Voices, voices

In my head

One keeps me fighting

Three want me dead

Leave me alone!

God, I'm tired

You're better off dead

Liar... LIAR!

I am loved

Even when I can't feel it

I CAN'T GIVE UP.

Give you one reason?

You're childish, I swear

I have only one

My best friend

Gummybear

I am NOT alone

I will keep believing

I will not lose hope

Even when I am bleeding

May 17, 2013

Don't let it show that you want to die

And don't ever let him see you cry

They don't have to know that your smile is fake

Just let them believe the lies you create

Don't let out a sound when your heart is screaming

And don't let her know that your arms are bleeding

Maybe it's worth it to just become

The only thing you've known: cold and numb

At the end of the day there's nothing left

Hope is gone, you don't know where it went

When darkness comes and nights are long

Keep fighting and just hold on

Because the future isn't that far off

May 2013

Do you see my arms?

Do you hear my heart?

A silent scream

And it's all your fault

Wrists are bleeding

Tears are falling

From your verbal beating

It's all your fault

June 19, 2013

The effort this is taking

Hardly seems worth it

And there's no one here

To see me cry

I think my heart is beating

Though it seems to be impaled

And I'm not really sure

That I'm alive

I may have scratched my arm

With the nails on my fingers

But I don't remember doing so

There are angry, red lines

And crescent shape indentions

Exactly where I want a blade

Please, help me! Please, help!

I know that I'm going insane

But no one is here

Ive been alone all day

I've had too much time to think

A week with my family

Has driven me crazy

And with no one to talk to now

Only pain will help

(Where IS everyone?!?)

June 19, 2013 (Evening)

Three and a half hours

Spent by myself

With only my mind to talk to

Three and a half hours

Spent by myself

And tell me, where were you?

I needed someone

But no one was here

And my mind went places it shouldn't

To bloody arms

And self-inflicted burns

And things I promised I wouldn't

Don't leave me alone

Because when you come back

I just might not be breathing

And if that happens

I want you to know

That I'm sorry

But I'm finally done bleeding