Poem: "To The Friend Who Said He Would Look At Me Differently If I Was Diagnosed With A Mental Illness"

Dear "friend":

First of all,

we are finished here.

Now that I've created enough space

and you won't smother with your

black and white thinking...

We've all got problems, right

Right?

Let's say life is like a game, and

all of us are players, and

over time life gets updated with new features, and

the latest feature is

the prefrontal cortex

it's pretty nifty,

moderates social behavior

personality expression

urge suppression

all that good stuff

but the best part of it?

Planning.

I can plan out what my next idea

of what a friend should be

I can make an agenda for the next time

I meet with you and tell you how closed-minded you're being

Tell you how much stuff I wanna do with my life

because I can finally picture it without you in it

I can also predict when I should probably tell you

that just because I may have a mental illness

I am much more than just an illness

You see, what's so funny is,

you wanna call yourself a nurse.

I think you need 100mg of empathy, first

I spent a year building our friendship

ending it will be terse

I don't like burning bridges,

cause the feeling's the worst

But you treat me as if I had it,

acting like I was cursed

Someone transfer this outpatient

because I'm getting impatient

waiting for you to come to your senses

but you're getting complacent

I just want my friend back.

But I think he's a goner

He's got a new girl and all

he talks about is how much he wants her

So go ahead, get going

hope you're happy with her

as each day goes by

our friendship will wither

I'm done rhyming

because none of the words even stick

friendships can make anyone feel higher than heaven

and making strangers is a whole lot of hell

I remember the day you said you'd see me differently

There I was, staring down the barrel of a gun

seconds from a friendship shot to hell

dragging the match, sparking the fire

That burned our bridge

Troubleshooting, just trying to find a connection

I don't want more than what we had anymore

I don't even want what we have left anymore

But at the same time, I'm slow to salvage

The sinking cargo of our friendship

The photos of us in my wallet

The handwritten messages pinned to my desk

The painting hung on my cork board

The messages I still keep on my phone

Or the gift, I still have, collecting dust

Than collecting memories

I'm slow to throw it all away because

I want to feel every memory of us

dwindle their way to zero

I'm done pretending to be something I'm not

So that you won't think less of me

I've got a mind of my own

But as for you

it won't take a mental illness

for me to think of less than nothing

of you

-------

inspired by a friend (who is still my friend) who had said to me that he would think of me differently if I were to someday be diagnosed with a mental illness back in 2018.

more works on my Instagram @ephrain_