Poem: The Wrong One To Give It All To

I met him at a concert of his,

After my god-sister went in the room,

She told me to come because they knew her,

I stood by a wall away from the crowd,

I looked 21 but really 13 years old,

I picked up a notebook and started drawing,

My god-sister making out with the drummer,

I drew a sick dragon until someone pull the notebook out of my hand,

It was the vocalist of the band,

He told me why are you drawing in my notebook?

I told him because I ain't got nothing to do,

He said I have nothing to do either,

Wanted to do something and he got closer,

I said sure but you'll see 25 to life,

We both started laughing,

He said, why would you say that? If your 21,

I said, I never said I was 21,

He said how old are you,

I said, 13 years old, and you?

He said you don't need to know but you need to leave.

3 months later I get a phone call from him,

I asked him how he got my number,

He said your god-sister gave it to me,

I asked, why?

He said he wanted to apologize how he kicked me out of the room,

I said okay, it's cool,

He said cool.

He asked if we can be friends,

I said okay whatever,

I didn't know he tattoo his arms with my drawing in his notebook till 2 years later.

Then, he started being places I was,

He would come by and say hi,

Then started signing autographs for my friends,

Then my friends started saying that he liked me,

I said yeah right,

They said he follows you like a puppy everywhere,

I laughed but it was true but I would ignore him most times,

It started getting very weird a few months later on my 15 birthday,

I was at my condo my daddy left me and he started knocking on the door,

I was like, what the hell,

How did you find out where I live at jacka**,

He said my god-sister gave him my address.

I told him to go away and he left.

I opened the door and he left me flowers and a teddy bear for my birthday,

I texted him thank you, airhead,

Since then we had been texting off and on,

For about 3 years,

Long-distance is not always long distance,

Love is not always love,

Obsession is not love,

What I felt for him was love,

What he felt for me I will never know,

Till the following 2 years later when I turned 17,

I didn't expect it,

I thought we were going to hang out,

I was in shock when it happed,

Proposals never happened to girls like me,

Girls, who are tomboys,

Girls, who dress like guys,

Girls, who have too much attitude,

Girls, who have a big mouth,

Girls, who won't step down,

Girls, who will fight anyone,

Girls, who don't let guys talk down to them,

A girl like me, who will never change who she is,

A girl that will put it out there with no shame or regret,

A girl who will break the law to be heard,

A girl who was in shock,

When she heard him say will you marry me?

I said yes and we went to get married.

My father always said I will marry the Anti-Christ,

Though he never said when or who it would be,

He said he had seen it happen in a vision and told me at 6 years old before he passed,

We married and he didn't touch me until my 18 birthday,

I was still a virgin,

I was still pure,

I have not been touched by no other man,

I waited and yet so hard not to jump on him and make him take it.

18 years old now,

Waiting for him to come back home,

He came in with flowers, cake, and food,

He hugged me and kissed me and told me happy birthday you little shit head,

I said thank you and hugged him,

He said he got an invitation to go to some party,

That he had to go for the promotion of his new album coming out,

He said to look in the box,

Yeah, it was my birthday,

I was happy and loved the dress he bought me and jeweler and heels to go with it,

He got a phone call,

I didn't know who was on the phone,

He started screaming at the phone,

He said he wanted to bring me but I guess the person told him no,

I came out of the bathroom dressed after showering,

He said he was sorry but he couldn't take me,

I know it's your birthday but it's for the new album,

I told him its okay,

He left and texted me he wished I was there,

Then, I said me too, me too,

I didn't get a reply back.

No reply back,

Alone in the apartment on my birthday,

I guess happy birthday to me,

If I would have known,

If someone would have told me,

If someone would of text me,

Tell me that love was going to hurt,

I would have never married or thought about love,

Love is hard to keep,

Love is a false word to use,

Love can be so blind,

Love can never change,

Love can be cold as the color black,

The color black can be so hateful,

Love, love, love, love, I am tired of love.

If I knew that he met someone there I would have never lost my virginity to him.

I love him so much but he is the wrong one to love,

He was wrong for what he did,

He was wrong for saying that to me,

He was wrong for saying he loved me when he didn't mean it,

He was wrong for taking my virginity and getting me pregnant,

He is wrong for lying to me about the phone calls and texts,

He was wrong to tell me to abort our child,

He was wrong to have Evan Woods in our apartment and in our bed,

He was wrong for saying he loved me and kicked her out,

He was wrong thinking I would never leave him,

But he was wrong to think I would stay with him,

Why is love so hard,

Why is love a lie for,

Why did he come into my life,

Why must I see him in his son,

His daughter,

His son,

His daughter,

His son,

We try to make it work 5 different times,

We try to keep it together for the kids,

I was done,

I asked for a divorce,

I told him, I hated him but I really hated the women he replaced me with when I was with child.

He told me they didn't mean anything to him,

That I will always be his first love and his love and heart was for me,

How to believe a man you knew longer than any woman did,

How to believe a man when you know he's a dog,

How to believe a man over and over again and end up with five kids by him,

How to believe a man that told me to abort every time I was with child,

How to believe a man that has never come to see his children,

How to believe a man that tries to make other women look like me.

It is hard to believe he doesn't love me because he has tried to make all these women look like me,

He has tried to make them dress like me,

He has tried to change their hair color to look like mine,

He has tried to have them speak like me,

He has tried to have sex with them that he had with me,

I have spoiled him in sex and in words,

I would give him sex twice a day every day in all 3 holes,

He has tried to do that with them but couldn't find me in these women,

Now, I know he really loves me and misses me and his children.

Though it is too late,

Too late to take everything back,

Too late to be a father,

Too late to be a husband,

To late to be a friend,

Too late to ask for forgiveness,

Though I will forgive him but never forget,

To late to take the past back,

Too late because I want the divorce,

Too late to love,

Too late to care,

Also, the one who got away but still married to him,

I and Brian will never be the loving couple everyone hated,

Everyone was jealous of,

He will always remember me because I am the strong woman that stepped up to him,

He has always said he loved me because I was a strong woman and that is what attracted him to me,

To late but he will always remember.......

That I will always be his past, his present, and his future......

© 2022 By: Devilisa Warner

All Rights Reserved.