Poem for Saree

Got dumped before I even got humped

I had a niggling feeling

Something negative

Would take away my chance

For a femme romance

She was so perfect for me, too

Her conversation muted my blues

Our lust could have been hues

Of rainbow bliss

But no, what’s this..

My honest discourse made her fear

That I would take her right back there

To where

The nights and days blend

Stupid fucking bender

And I’d yet to send her

Something great..

something brimming with desire

To light her 2am fire

To keep her warm some nights

If I were lucky...

But fuck hey

Look what you said moron

You’re a mess look at you

Nothing but stress

Fuck it’s true

How I needed her

God damn it to hell

I found the perfect girl

And she thought I was swell

Until I opened up about

My damage, my damage.. fear

My lack of clarity

So she’s forsaken me

I’d hoped we could have gone to

All the places that I’d wanted

I’d hoped we could become

Magically connected

Our Spiritual deeds intersected

What have I learned

Or will I just get burned

Again

I should just close my big loud mouth

And bite my tongue

I don’t belong here anymore

My shreds of personality

That others ignore

Set me alight, take me to war

That’s all I’m good for

As a blinding beacon of

What no one speaks of

The shadows follow me from the shore

The shoes and socks soak up the salt

I wander past where I can breathe

I close my eyes, it’s dark.. don’t want to

See my demise

Or live in this compromise

Don’t want to be this person

I’ve been mentally rehearsing

My words upon leaving this earth

Go from here

Broken girl

Never fear

Sainted pearl

There is peace

In the sea

No more seasons for thee

Go from here

Painful one

Lonely heart that never ceased to beat

Even though you felt it ought to have

You never quite ever found your feet

Your spirit ending on defeat

Your soul an open book for anyone

To take their fun

So we begin

Again

If you leave before your time

You have a mission and

It’s written in your mind

You know it’s true

No rest for you

Just wicked pain

And a dissonant and hellishly harmonised refrain..

Trudy, the one who is loved

She never feels it’s so

Trudy, the girl who was shoved

And pushed around,

Emotions never sound

Anything from the heart

Has a fighting start

And she’s broken now

So wasted such petite power

She chose the path

That led to an ache

In the soul

That made her fall

Time again would seem to make

That same mistake

And will she learn

So she can earn

A universal recommendation

Keeping her Safe from reincarnation

If you don’t learn

Then you return

Around and round

The mountain churns

If you don’t listen

And take heed

You’ll miss your lesson

And then indeed..

Suffer some more

Beneath the clause

There is a reason

But I’m unsure

The rationale is certain

Coming back again? When’s curtains

Curfew is at eight at night

Careful lest you gape, too tight

Fill your spirit body with light

Look up and know that the stars are bright

Only because we can see them

Only because one day we will all be them

Just another dim illusion

On the face of my confusion

Can I move this mountain

Can I cast a miracle

Can I hope for the fountain

Of unlimited birth?

Am I just another rejection away

From writing the song of my life

And I’m ghosted again

Yes I’m ghosted again

Just been blocked,

Just been muted

There’s really not much use in

Fighting now,

You silly big mouthed cow..

What were you thinking

It’s like you’d been drinking

This well is poison I’ll bet you

A pointless grand gesture

Gone wrong and turned sour

Here we are with

Many more hours to while away

When will you say

Enough enough.. I’m flailing

Failing and taking it rough

Falling and ending up

Back on the stuff

Enough has to be the end

Divided into the consequences of

Losing your friends

Being stupidly bent

Having less of your marbles

Doing less magickal marvels...

Guess what, child

Time to grow

Guess what demon

Time to bow your heads

And go

Back to the hell from which

A pimp has summoned you

And her poor decisions, too

This time she means it when she says good bye

Good riddance; they can scream and cry

I will refuse to listen

I and eye..

will focus squarely on

Making time

To be revived

Breaking habits

That are reviled

Begin right now,

But that’s the way

It takes its toll

And then you cast your soul away

Into another fated hell

Another hole, another day

Can we be well, can we stand to stay

Stand and deliver

Demanding strength and a full quiver

To keep the demons now at bay,

Too many hurts to wash away

They hamper me, I humbly cry

For help to make blue of the sky

To put a better future

In my eyes

To overcome the way they hurt

To be at one with all that stuff I never deserved

No one to pull me froM this pit

Must use my own energy and

This is your chance to shine

To welcome not the darkness but initiate the spark of the divine

Within the circle of my thoughts

I see the challenge life has wrought

I see the consequences change

With this delightful little game

Oh I will never be the same

But what a shame

Oh what a waste and there is

NOBODY TO BLAME...

it’s just the cast and crew

And they were decided by you!

So you’re the driving force

Direction.. you hold the keys to unlock the Source..

Is it a constant evolution of a course?

Yes with each revolution

There’s another useful solution

To regard, to examine, and embrace

Because you’re the author of this

Stint of being in the human race

So face your choices , understand

There is nothing new in the mind of man

Your struggles are your own

Yet universally experienced

Know that you’re not alone

And don’t believe you must be furious

To Win this Human game we’re in

It’s not a battle, not a sin

Forgiveness reigns supreme

Fly above and be extreme

You’ll thank me later if you choose

The right path now;

Beware the cobblestones are somewhat loose along the way

But don’t you even be tempted to stay here

Where

You’ve dallied all your days

Because you’ll be amazed

The colours and the crisp fresh air

Over there

Where

We are headed

Let’s get started

Giving up the ghost,

Lock your mind safely in the body

Buckle up, it might be a rocky ride, buddy

But you’ll thank me when you do arrive

At the place for which you strive

All the pieces fit together perfectly

In the places where we’re meant to be...

So buckle up baby

Let me hold you tight

As we go on this decisive ride

It’s scary and amazing, girl

I’ll hold you close

As the days unfurl

Before our eyes

It won’t be forever

How you’re feeling

And I hope you know

That this is your life at stake

Many more mistakes

And you’ll be a corpse

Cooling in a copse

Tell yourself the unbridled truth

You’ve been the author

Of your self abuse

For years and now it’s time

For you to find the key

Unlock the better me..

To take the path of peace and purity

Where love and self confidence

Will never forsake me

Even if it takes me many moons

To overcome this need to use

I will sequester my self away

Not visit my dealer every other day

She’s been my friend for many years

But knowing her will end up in tears

And here’s

Some tears

Forlorn for the love I could’ve known

If only.. if only it was my past then I could own it

But in my present she deduced

I’d lead her to that horrid trailer

That made her

Naked and walking on the hot bare sandy earth.

I had decided yesterday

To give the horrid drugs away

And look at the cost

What have I lost?

I’ll never really know

Unfortunately she said ‘go’

Temptation struck a chord inside

And it made her decide

That she couldn’t be

With a person like me

I hope I succeed

Lest I end up

All alone indeed

Left to moan and scream

At the howling wind inside my brain

The storm of someone who is only slightly sane