plans

i swallow

white pills

for breakfast

along with my

orange juice and

regret

because plan A

keep your hands to yourself

never works.

when the night

falls

and the voices

get louder

i need a strange man

to put his hands

around my waist

and whisper

in my ear

everything

i need to hear.

then i spit

in his mouth

and send him back home

and i turn on the TV

hoping that my skin

forgets

and the acid

in my belly

does not let life

live in me.

i am young

and stupid

just like i am

supposed to be.