Party to My Pain

Ironic, isn’t it?

How the tables turn, how nothing can stop them,

Not you and not me,

Not promises or tears or any kind of plea.

Because once upon a time I was a princess,

it’s truly a shame that over time I would only digress.

With the whole world watching,

it was left to a vote

& the verdict was, “we teach

her a lesson and see how she copes.”

Letters were sent labeled “handle with care.”

Inside a bit of magic to make it fair.

They went up under cover of night

for all to view

comfortably,

without a fight.

A flawless beginning

filled with raw and real.

& I’ve done my share of admitting

so please,

tell me when did you break

your end of the deal?

Because that rotten little princess,

simply needed love.

Or did you know that

somewhere deep inside

was a message from above?

Maybe you wanted to watch me break?

See me crumble and crack.

Or did you believe

in a comeback that only I could make?

Was it that I’m interesting?

Maybe my laugh or my smile.

Did I make it easy?

Was it that I kept believing?

Oh no,

I don’t wanna go tonight.

You know it’s never easy

to tell you it’s all alright.

Please, come stay with me.

We’ll discover how to make forever

and a day,

we can visit when it’s hard here

remember feeling free.

For now, know I love you

always

as long as the sun shines

and the moon glows.

No, I don’t wanna go tonight,

it’s just how the story goes.

Tell me, did you profit

or lose viewers when I tried

to take my life?

Let’s not forget the man you paid to pretend

he loved and wanted me

forever

Husband & Wife.

At that point what was it?

I was going strong.

On the road to success,

the path well lit.

What about my family?

My son, my mom?

What about little Palmetto boy?

What about the world?

Was I apart of real life anymore

or was it always Game On?

Did you ache for me to believe in myself?

Were there moments I shook you to your core?

How many of you walked away,

put your magic on the shelf?

Were you sickened,

feeling helpless?

Maybe crippled with grief?

I was, seems only fitting

killing myself would inspire

the turning of a new leaf.

Oh please no,

don’t make me go tonight.

I don’t wanna go tonight.

You know it’s never easy

to tell you it’s all alright.

Please, come stay with me.

We’ll discover forever

and a day,

we can visit when it’s hard here

remember feeling free.

For now, know I love you always

as long as the sun shines

and the moon glows.

No, I don’t wanna go tonight,

it’s just how the story goes.

Those days are gone now,

they’ve long since passed.

I’m a few years older,

I have a couple new tattoos.

& If you’re still watching

you know it’s not over but,

If I can come this far,

so can you.

& I’m sure you’re thinking,

“did we make her a little insane?”

The answer

is yes, you did

& really, I wish you good luck

when the tables turn

It started with you though,

you partied to my pain.

**This piece is dedicated to my anger that I was able to let go of while writing this and also to the ones who kept me going and always helped to keep believing. Thank you.**