I’m layin’ here in bed like
damn, when did this become my life?
Look up weak you’ll see my face,
you’re laughing now but could you
take my place?
‘Cause you can bet
there’s so much more behind,
the blue you call my lying eyes.
How was I supposed to know,
through the nights, pain & the smoke,
that you were always my way to go?
I’m so numb now, I can hardly breathe
no more tears now, don’t you see
I never believed you needed me.
Every day I say I’m done,
I haven’t even truly started yet
life’s gotta be fun.
Instead it’s struggles, work, bills, repeat
That can’t be it though, it just can’t
so help me beat the system,
watch the whole world eat.
I know you think it’s ‘bout what’s in the bank,
I promise mama it really ain’t.
But how was I supposed to know,
3 little girls,
sisters playin’ in the snow
They had to make their own way to go?
What made you numb? Could you still breathe?
Do you cry at night so no one sees?
Because I never believed
you needed me.
The whole worlds changed, but sometimes I think
it’s me that’s strange.
Head in the clouds, couple dollars in my pocket,
the day you gave Duke up
I made a key to my heart
and I locked it.
You’re always shakin’ your head,
like you ain’t raise me?
Guess it does take more
than material things,
how crazy.
I hope you know your worth
is never measured in numbers with me.
I only want my mom to see me,
for me.
I guess by now I should know,
our separate paths is the way we go.
I don’t wanna be numb, I gotta breathe
not gonna be numb, my son needs me.
You can suffer, pretend, work, repeat.
I choose healing,
to one day be free
& to make sure my son doesn’t one day wonder,
“Do she even need me?”
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