Part Twenty Nine
Poppy's Prompt: January Edition
the holes
that slept with never
kept it together
wept forever
are held together
by a cloth
made of pure
patchwork wishes
and the dreams
that never went away
the holes
always a new sum
a promise
always a new sun
and with it
a vista of endless
pale yellow fields
the holes peel
layer by layer
babushka dolls
made of onion
made of paper and light
(the yellow fields fade)
made of hope and sound
(promises delayed)
these holes
these lacrimal bullet holes
they leak a sadness
this salty path
leads to another
involuntary vigil
a two am type sorrow
part twenty nine
About the Creator
Brenton F
It's just a token of my extreme - Frank Zappa
- - -
I have an eBook, a collection of my favourite pieces
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Smartystan
Rain didn’t stop Mala. Swaddling for Edgar covered the baby boy’s body and she held her other son’s, Burton, six-year-old hand. The mud, muck, and mire didn’t hinder her from staying on course with her mission. From Pennsylvania, they all trekked to get closer and closer to land that was never promised but simply implied. Each step produced more mud caked around her sneakers. She didn’t care. Her rucksack provided them protein packs to put into plastic bottles and nuts and berries and dried meats to keep their muscles in good health. Water hydrated. She rested. The baby had been asleep the entire time that she had started her journey and her eldest son remained silent throughout the excursion as well.
By Skyler Saunders4 days ago in Chapters
Comments (16)
Nice entry at the prompt. Sorry I have missed so much. Not very focussed of late. But missed reading your nifty pieces! Well done! 😊
Great going! Keep up the fantastic effort—congratulations!
Great poem. Deep and heartfelt. Congrats.
Outstanding! The flow of this one is just phenomenal, and the gorgeous lines are so light, yet so heavily weighted. Seriously incredible, Brenton!
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
This was really moving Brenton! Great work and congrats on Top Story!
Fabulous!!! Congratulations on Top Story!!!💕❤️❤️
Congrats on the well-deserved TS.
Good, my dollies are safe! 😁😁😁😁
Oooh this has such a calming flow that pulls the reader in so efficiently. Loved how you used the scientific name for dandelion (I learnt something new). Love the phrase “patchwork wishes”. I think my favourite part is the first six lines but I adored the whole thing. I loved how you weaved melancholy all throughout.
Oh goodness. I don't even know what to say. "Lacrimal bullet holes....." Outstanding!
Oh, I'm in love with this one, Brenton; my goodness gracious. You are a literal bard! Your grasp on poetry, the shape of it, the rhythm across several lines, the effect of sequentially end-rhyming lines, the fricking gorgeous diction pairings... Remarkable. "hese holes these lacrimal bullet holes they leak a sadness this salty path leads to another involuntary vigil a two am type sorrow part twenty nine" ---Like...mic drop. I ought to just paste the whole thing here. I can't pick a favorite part, but this section illustrates a few of my points above, the end rhyme, the incredible word pairings, the diction choices too. Beautiful shape, beautiful, yet so sad too. Wow.
Smashed it, yet again 😍
So intense and emotional! Freaking loved this so much!
Brenton, this was some outstanding poetry. Well done!
This is so clever! "these holes these lacrimal bullet holes they leak a sadness this salty path" So good!