Parental Guidance

One,

I’ve known I liked girls since i was 14 years old.

My neighbour made my heart race and mind wild.

She was beautiful in every way a girl could be.

Well to me at least.

Two,

I’ve known I was attracted to girls but i didnt know it was normal.

My emotions slowly shifted back and forth.

How could I embrace a topic I was not educated in?

Three,

When i transitioned from primary school to high school

My teachers started to talk about homosexuality and the students began to experiment.

I was positioned perfectly in every game of spin the bottle.

I didn’t learn about the spectrum until year eight.

Four,

A girl told me she liked me and dictated that I must have feelings for girls.

All because my exterior suggested this was a likely occurence.

Or maybe because i wasn’t repulsed by the idea of loving someone of the same sex.

Five,

I lived in denial associating my attraction and feelings, with common girl culture.

You’re so hot, you’re stunning, i’d kill to have your waistline.

Phrases dropped on the bottom of profile pictures and instagram posts

Making it so much easier for me to supress my emotions that much longer.

Six,

I’ve known i’ve liked guys since i was 11 years old.

My boyfriend was the first person who gave me butterflies

He revealed that love is too simple when your young

But never simple enough to not be real.

Seven,

I become consumed by sexuality the first time someone said theres no right or wrong.

That I could like both and choosing one didnt have to be an option.

My sister and I took and online test and when i got bisexual i was confused

She looked at me and said i can see that.

Eight,

I just focused on boys, because boys we’re normal.

Boys made sense, boys didn’t raise questions and boys made my grandma proud.

More boys liked me than girls and its just weird if i like a girl.

Because i’m a girl and i clearly like boys.

Isn’t it obvious and easier for me to like boys.

Nine,

I go quiet everytime my parents talk about the gay community.

My bestfriend told me she was bisexual and i was so close to telling her how confused i am.

My grandparents voted no because marriage should be exclusive.

I feared having to understand that i can’t stop my emotions.

Ten,

I told a friend, then a sibling, my mum, my dad and eventually everyone i care about.

Mum says don’t label yourself, things can change.

I say i don’t want them to change thats why i’m saying it out loud.

Mum says how do you know you like both without any experience.

Eleven,

Dad says, you have to be one way or the other.

It doesn’t make sense if you are attracted to both.

Just don’t tell everyone and talk about it all the time.

Some people might not have the same mentality as us.

Tweleve,

Mum said you are pulling at loose threads, dont put yourself in a box.

You never know who you’re going to love in twenty years.

You’re so young and inexperienced i just don’t want you to get hurt.

It doesn’t mean i don’t support you we just shouldn’t talk about it.

Thirteen,

I said i’ve been confused since i was 11 and i’m finally able to understand.

They said I barely understand at all.

I cried and said labels aside I just wanted you to know how i feel.

They said but do you really?

Fourteen,

I said I understand your perspective but i need your love and support.

They ignored me.

I screamed please let me accept how i feel.

My scream echoed back.