Parasocial

My first boyfriend went into hiding,

got married, and had a kid

The second met an Aussie woman

and got hitched, too, right after him

My third is single somewhere

in the Carolinas,

but I don't have his number,

so I can't call

The fourth boyfriend is handsome, sure,

but he's also a bit of a

know-it-all

Number five is gay,

as they often are,

and tends to tour around the globe

And six, to top all of it off, lives on the set of my favorite show

I'm sure my next will be a rockstar

and have himself a pretty wife

So it's a good thing

I suppose

that I don't actually know these men

in real life