Open The Gates pt.2

And I hated you, I hated the piece you left inside me even more

I hated the hole that you created and then ran away from

As if you were disappointed at the chaos, you made

But those walls, those walls of stone I hated more than anything

Fueled by anxiety and anger I grabbed my hammer

Smashing into those damn walls day after day

Until I was exhausted and broken

I laid my back against that wall and cried

Wondering why I wasn’t good enough

Why you didn’t care

When did it all go so wrong?

Cause all I ever wanted to do was play the fool

That was something I could hang my hat on

Sobriety forced me to take off my mask

The jig was up, a fool no more I could be

Sitting in my studio poking my jester's cap

Listening to those bells jingle and being reminded of a different life

A life lived too fast and full of chaos

You came into my life in the midst of all of this

I was a half man, half fool struggling to stay in both worlds

Both worlds playing tug of war with my soul

Slowly ripping me apart

Sadly, unable to exist in either one

The truth is much darker than that

I am a man of many masks, all similar but uniquely different

Protecting the hurt inner child who's full of rage

It wasn’t you I hated in the end

The world was the enemy, it always has been

The world is an oyster? No, my world was a prison of my mind

Both freed and shackled by alcohol

I just wanted to crawl into a corner and die

Then the miracle happened

My prayers had given me the strength I needed

Or it reminded me of the strength I always had

I no longer wanted to drown, die or disassociate

There I stood once again in both worlds with a choice to make

Pick one and let the door close on the other

Walking away from my foolish queen was the sacrifice that had to be made

For the first time in life, I chose to protect my sobriety

Regrets of what could have been have faded through the months

I had to show up for myself to protect myself