Oh, Vacuum Dear Vacuum. You Suck.

Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, please help me this day.

Glide ‘cross the carpet. These crumbs we will slay.

A simple wee task, we can get it done soon.

Together as partners, we’ll tidy these rooms.

*

Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, there’s company coming.

I flick on the “on” switch, and then you start humming.

Together we’ll slide cross the large living room,

Then move to the dining and then the bedroom.

*

Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, why must it be so?

That you cling to the carpet and refuse to let go.

My arms are exhausted. My shoulders they ache,

But I must clean this mess up. Please give me a break.

*

Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, you truly do suck.

And not in a good way, you miserable fuck.

When I push on your handle to do a quick chore,

You scream like a toddler and stick to the floor.

*

Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, your grip kindly loose.

Cuz, I feel like it’s uphill, I’m pushing a moose.

My once precious vacuum, you are such a pain.

I’m ‘bout to flip you over and rip out your brain.