Oh, Vacuum Dear Vacuum. You Suck.
An Ode to a beloved household tool
Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, please help me this day.
Glide ‘cross the carpet. These crumbs we will slay.
A simple wee task, we can get it done soon.
Together as partners, we’ll tidy these rooms.
*
Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, there’s company coming.
I flick on the “on” switch, and then you start humming.
Together we’ll slide cross the large living room,
Then move to the dining and then the bedroom.
*
Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, why must it be so?
That you cling to the carpet and refuse to let go.
My arms are exhausted. My shoulders they ache,
But I must clean this mess up. Please give me a break.
*
Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, you truly do suck.
And not in a good way, you miserable fuck.
When I push on your handle to do a quick chore,
You scream like a toddler and stick to the floor.
*
Oh, vacuum dear vacuum, your grip kindly loose.
Cuz, I feel like it’s uphill, I’m pushing a moose.
My once precious vacuum, you are such a pain.
I’m ‘bout to flip you over and rip out your brain.
About the Creator
Cathy holmes
Canadian family girl with a recently discovered love for writing. Other loves include animals and sports.
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Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
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Excellent storytelling
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Comments (45)
LOL! That "Not in a good way you..." line made my day. I swear my vacuum cleaner quit working right after the first use. 😂🤣😅
Ms. Cathy - Your 'yarns' always string-up the wheels of my machine. Do you remember when they had (3) speed 'electric' brooms heavily advertised? Can't imagine WHY you would want to sweep-slowly. If you have a moment check out "This is DUDE" I think I'm becoming the V.M. Nag with the Youngins; not my intent. Jay
This is so fucking funny!
This is quite possibly the best title ever
Hearty congrats on your leaderboard placement Cathy! Well done and well deserved! 🎉🎉😁
Hahaha, another hilarious Cathy Holmes creation. Love it! This is exactly why I have Vinnie the Vacuum/Moe the Mop, my conjoined robot twins.
An ode to team work makes the dream work!
LOL it's just too powerful. Funny poem!
Lmaooooo 🤣🤣. I might try singing to my vacuum next time before I rip out its brains
loved this ❤️
lol Why is it they stop working when company is coming 😊
Too funny! Every line was good humoured with lots of fun rhymes! 👏😆
This is excellent and made me laugh out loud 🤣 Awesome poem!
Haha, so relatable, loved this! I definitely have a love/hate relationship with vacuums. The rhyme with "suck" made me laugh, I knew it was coming 🤣❤️
Oh wow this took a dark turn lol. Great job Cathy!
Ahh, this is so funny! Love it, Cathy :D
You scream like a toddler and stick to the floor. Hahahahhahaha I loved that line!
Oh Cathy, this is a hilarious read! My vacuum feels like pushing a moose too!
this is really fun. nice work!
I can so relate to this poem! My vacuum cleaner seems to have a mind of its own, it especially likes to hit my feet. LOL! I enjoyed reading your piece.
LOL!! I know how much your vacuum has been 'sucking' lately!! This was exactly what I envisioned for this challenge. Wonderful work, my friend :)
I guess we've all been there with these things! Brilliant as ever Cathy. 😊💙👍
Hahaha I just adore your sense of humour. This gave me a good chuckle my friend ❤️❤️
Brilliant & funny! Awesome work!😁
Haha this perfectly captures what it's like to have an annoying vacuum! Nicely done!