Ode to Maryjane

Hi MJ, I know this letter will find you in the best of health and spirits. Your popularity has continued to soar, more people are following you.

You are wondering why I haven't called or visited you in two months. I have made a conscious decision to end our relationship, this time for good. It was not an easy decision, and you will get a better understanding as you read this.

I remember our first date. I was seventeen and you made me laugh uncontrollably. We did not see each other until a year later, when I sought after you in college.

You were an expensive date and I had to cancel my meal plan to afford you. Though you were responsible for me neglecting my studies and eventually dropping out of school, I still loved you.

When I joined the Air Force, I was sure we were done. Then I became good friends with your cousin Al Kohol, and he brought us back together.

Remember the party at McChord Air Force base where I jumped out of the second story window, when the security police raided the dormitory. I should have left you when I received orders to Turkey.

Instead, I met your cousin Hashisha and she caused me to endure a three- month stint in a Turkish jail. I was released when they tested what I had and found it was camel dung.

We continued to party during the rest of my Air Force career, despite two reductions in rank. Then came Las Vegas. What happens in Vegas is supposed to stay there, but you brought your friends, Cocoa and Krac and our love affair became a sordid orgy.

It did not take long before those twisted sisters cost me a well-paying career in the gaming industry and the loss of my home and familly. Though you were my main squeeze, Cocoa took me to heights that you could not, and her sister Krac, was equally amazing.

I escaped by moving to New Mexico and reuniting with my family. For twenty-five years I resisted your call, but the fairy tale came to a tragic end. My wife of twenty-five years passed away after battling cancer for six months. The day of the funeral, a rolled joint appeared on my doorstep.

For two weeks, I picked you up and held you in my hand, fighting the urge to renew our friendship, but eventually succumbing once again to your powerful influence. It was everything I remembered and then some, more powerful and wonderful than before.

I told myself I would be faithful to you and managed to do so for two years. I had a prospering business and was free from another marriage that I should not have entered.

Your persuasive ways led to the introduction of your friend Methilia and she finished the job of destroying my life. I lost everything I had worked so hard and long to accrue and was left with nothing but bad memories.

So, is this another attempt to say goodbye? No, the legalization of medical and recreational cannabis makes the journey easier, and I still believe we can finish the way we began. BFF

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