Nowhere

Bored with life so I try,

I try to make something of myself,

I try to be creative,

I try to get my work out there,

I try to be heard,

I try to reach out,

I try to find where I belong,

I try so hard everytime

But...

Nobody sees me,

I love all that I do and work for,

But...

I get nowhere.

Hounded by my parents,

Hounded by work providers,

Telling me to get a job,

But my physical, emotional and mental health,

Always loses it,

But it's not about a job is it?

It's about making money?

So I create, create, create,

Pour my heart into what I make,

What I make is never fake,

When I show it,

People either ignore it or take it

And still,

I get nowhere.

How much more failure till I succeed?

How many more rejections till I bleed?

How many of you won't see,

The struggle inside me?

Can I retire at my age 23?

Is it too early to give up?

If not then what's next for me?

Will I ever be free,

From the pressure of thee?

Will I ever find where I belong?

Will I turn this into a song,

And see the failure come along?

If I do, I bet my bong,

That still,

I get nowhere.

What do you do when you fail?

What do you do after you've tried everything you can?

When do you know when to quit?

What can I do now?

Keep trying?

Keep hoping?

What if I've done all of that and still nothing?

I rise up the littlest bits at a time,

Yet I see people rise up instantly,

I feel the envy, the jealousy and I get angry,

Does my art suck?

Friends and family say they love it,

So have I got bad luck?

Or am I supposed to go through this,

Before I receive good luck?

Stopped moving forward because I suck,

Numb it out with a smoke and a fuck,

While living in a rut,

Negative talk from negative experience,

Because this is me being serious,

Seriously deep, seriously weak,

Seriously lost every week,

And you wonder why,

I get nowhere.

I'm tired of this,

I'm tired of failing,

I'm tired of the pain,

I'm tired of gaslighters driving me insane,

I'm tired of being confused all the time,

I'm tired of my anxiety bringing me down,

I'm tired of working for a win only to fail,

I'm tired of technology breaking down on me,

I'm tired of being in this human form,

I'm tired from the anagram of tired: tried,

I'm tired of trying,

I've tried and I'm tired,

But mostly: I'm tired of living because,

I get nowhere.