My last major struggle!!

This shall be the last major battle of my life

It has been going on for nearly 17 years

My heart and my mind are at odds with each other

A loved one many years ago decided to end their relationship with me

For me that has been probably the most difficult thing I have had to face so far

My heart tells me, “Anshu, before you die, you will receive one last phone call from her.”

My mind retorts, “Anshu, don’t be an idiot! Any communication from her stopped so many years ago. You have not gotten anything so far - why will you get anything in the future?!!”

For me a good day is when this skirmish between both does not happen at all

Nearly every day I face this - sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes for more than an hour

The worst thing of all is that I did not get proper closure

Proper closure would have helped - I have several queries

I just feel it is not ever going to happen - I will live with this weight for my remaining years, however many they may be

Ideally, I wish my life was a book and I could rip that page years ago (the page that was the story between my loved one and me)

Alas, that is not the case

As I have done, I will keep doing so

I will live my life with happiness with my family and friends

As for the ongoing challenge I face, I will try my level best to minimize it as much as I can

Trust me, I will be very happy when this sorrowful memory will completely vanish from my thoughts

Please God, please help me - I need to completely let go of some things.