My Journey

At first everything is blank black and dark and I'm floating.

This nothingness… it's quiet and peaceful.

No feeling of any kind except curiosity

Nothing and no one is with you

Then this sudden beam of light appears out of no where…

Then there's noise and coldness coming over me

Confusion kicks in and now I'm existing in this place called Earth

I hear this familiar voice and find comfort in it

From this voice came food shelter and protection

Several years go by and that's all a blur

Now I'm 4 and my sister scratches me in the face…

I'm taking my preschool photo and the scratch is still there

Now I'm all of a sudden 6 and my mom and step dad are fighting

Glimpses of my step dad knocking my mother down the stairs…

It never goes away

But then this same person helped me learn to write my letters and name

My mom too… she was my everything

She suddenly dies when I'm an adolescent

I'm in foster care and zap through elementary and middle school

High School comes along and then life seems to slow down…

Some of the best times of my life but also the worst because

I reached many milestones without my mother

I met my son's father and was deep in what I thought was love

Now I'm pregnant and then he disappears

By then I'm alone and independent as I know it

Life was hard and I struggled…

Then I meet me husband

It was his birthday… he said I needed to be molded

Didn't have a clue what he totally meant by that

Fast forward we're 2 and a half years into the marriage and we find out we're pregnant…

His first and my 2nd child

We were so happy our daughter was entering the world

We had hoped for a girl

15 years of marriage goes by and we still haven't figured out how to make it work

Now my son is 17 and I'm trying to help him understand adulthood

Yet and still I haven't found out who I am or figured myself out…

The roller coasters of life have taken me through tunnels of hurt pain and sorrow

Disappointment and even feelings of resentment and revenge

Now I yearn for the peace I once had before I was born

I want to be the torch my kids need to carry on my legacy

The human experience… it has so many twists and turns packed with lessons.