My Inner Demons and My Broken Soul

by Andrew Stem about a year ago in heartbreak

#TreeTrunk

My Inner Demons and My Broken Soul

We’re just broken people

healing broken people

Monsters under my bed

Became monsters inside my head

eating away at my broken soul

The weight on your chest

The scream with no sound

The cry with no tears

The emptiness

The heart breat

Over and over again

When will this end

When will laughter and light fill these cracks once more

When will

The Weight be lifted

The sound be heard

The tears fall

And the heart be whole again

Drained

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

Drained

The years have passed

In a constant battle

Oh how my kingdom

Has exponentially fallen

As the dark thoughts Flow

From the depths of my mind

I’ve grown cold and bitter

Since the dawn of time

Maybe the problem

Was never them

What if all this time it was

Me

My inner demons became my best friends

The more I wrote

The less they terrified me

My blood hot

Boiling hot

Like a teapot ready

To explode

I fall deaf to the

Laughter

And blind to the

Smiles

The deeper I get into my thoughts

The faster the world around me

Disappears

Depression is my worst enemy

Medication

Too many to count

Too many to take

Feeling less and less

In control

Why did I even trust you

With my heart

When you couldn’t even get your

Eyebrows right

I begged you to stay but like a door mat

You walked all over me when you left

I hyped you up

You let me down

I held you high

You left me low

Expressing the darkness

That flourishes within is

Exhausting

Alone and afraid

That I will never

Find my way

Back home

Everyday I wake

Speechless and in shock

Tourtured by the same damn nightmare

Lord please make this stop

Release my soul

From the depths of hell

In this toxic and pitiful life

Another restless night

Under these hazy red lights

Still wishing for the end

To be in sight

Catastrophic thinking

Always living in the extreme

As the rope gets tighter

Gasping for air

All of my problems are gone now

No longer in despair

Scattered thoughts

And

A fragile heart

The last words

I said to you

Still haunts me

So much for my soul to take

All this loss

Can’t seem to catch a break

The tears don’t fall anymore

But I still feel empty

Here’s to the nights I lie awake

Drowning in my thoughts

My masks became jail cells

Struggling to keep my demons down

The blood racing down my arm

The cold chills

Life slowly fading away

Sulking over life

24/7

Constantly contemplating death

By knife

I’m allergic

To true love

It’s time for me to go

Planning my great escape

Don’t know what I’m doing here

I was such a mistake

Over exposed

And

Vulnerable

Constantly breaking down

Like an old truck

With a clueless mechanic

Stuck in this fantasy

Of life being grand

Pushing away reality

Cause I’m not really a fan

Made the mistake of

Changing the alphabet

Trying to put U before I

Thinking you’d be my

Ride or die

Shackles

Bread and water

Prison doesn’t scare me

When I’m already dead inside

You tore me apart

Like a present on Christmas morning

My smile

As fake as the

Love you said you had for me

I live in this box

Walls sky high

I prefer solitude

Cause y’all a fucking lie

As I grew older

I became Superman

Saving people from their demons

Even though mine were kryptonite

More time or more money

Can’t I have both

Guess I’m shit outta luck

Half dead and nearly broke

I wear a million masks

Each a bit different

All for the same cause

I’m 22 not two

Why am I still afraid

Of darkness

Just as in on an uphill climb

I get caught in a landslide

Once more thrown around by my thoughts

With the mud and rocks

Tears mix with ink on this lonely page

Fading out the words my heavy heart carries

It’s easier to go back to what we’re used to

Even though

We know it will hurt us in the end

Have you ever been scared to fall asleep

Scared that your demons will find it’s way

To suck you into the depths of your soul

Where there is no light and no hope

Death is nearing now

I can hear him calling my name

Come closer my love, come home to me

Let go of your worries

Come be at peace

For months you were the one that got away

Holding the blame within

But that flame is gone now

And I have something to say

How about

Fuck you and have a nice day

Fists clenched

Heart facing

In a constant battle

Between me and my anger

He’s navigated the toughest of seas before

But this time is so different

When the seas became a metaphor for his thoughts

And the creatures of the deep became the demons of his soul

How can I carry the team when I can barely carry myself

The curtains are closed

My progress fades away

Healing seems impossible

I’m to far gone all I can to is pray

The memories

Are stuck on repeat

I wasn’t the first soul you’ve destroyed

And it sickens me that it won’t be your last

Relapse after relapse

Storm after storm

A vicious cycle

Of never ending pain

Trapped in this box

Heavy chairs and 24 hr supervision

My mind unstable Andy body empty

Cold barrel pressed under my chin

In a heated debate

Between me, myself and I

Broken and confused

Just quite done with All this bullshit

Cold sweats at 2 AM

My pillow gasping for air

As my grip grows tighter

And a puddle of tears

To start the night

I long for the ambitions I had

For a career I sent downrange

Can’t erase the pain

when it’s written in stone

The roses are dead

The violets are thru

And just like the flowers in my garden

Our love is dead and thru

Over compromising and under compensated

The story of giving my last dime

And receiving nothing

Not even their time

Loyal to a fault

Loyal to you way more than myself

How could I be so stupid to live for you

Instead of for me

You were focused on winning the argument

Not focused on the facts

My feelings never matter

Cause you stabbed me in the back

I drink and drink

Till my problems fade away

Waking up with a headache

And my problems here to stay

You broke a promise

You fed me lies

I fell head over heals

But you stole my heart

And left me to die

I blame you for my insecurities

Why I can’t love

And push people aside

Though our love was toxic

And we could barely breathe

I will still love you

Till the end of time

In my feelings tonight

Preparing for war

It’s not even midnight yet

And I’m already in a storm

One day a helpless victim

The next a heartless killer

Denial, regression and repression

We’re my answers

Because being unhealthy

Was easier

In such a rush to grow up thinking the grass was greener on the other side

The days got harder and the nights got longer

Ramen became a staple and the bills got tight

The stress got high and depression set in

Daydreaming of the green open fields of my past

The madness still lingers in my

Mind

Body

And fingers

heartbreak
Andrew Stem
Andrew Stem
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