My Friend

My friend, seldom do I have a day as dark as when I heard of your end. Today the sun chooses to shine, which feels cruel considering your time came so woefully before mine. Your body may have been old, but your mind was bold, your heart made of gold, and my ears longed for the stories your lips told.

Every image of you I carry has that ability to make me feel just a little more merry. The way that you dressed, your shirt always pressed, grey hair slightly messed. You know I once stressed my doubt in god, and yet in your presence I always felt so blessed. The afternoon we met you made me feel fine, which was quite an improvement at the time, however soon our conversations became oddly divine.

My friend, at a time when I was disconnected, your companionship was completely unexpected. It was a day last spring and all I could hear was the birds sing loud and clear. I sat under a willow tree, weather at the most lovely degree, it looked to be a day worth feelings of jubilee. You had a face full of glee as you handed to me, a little black book with such a precious look. I would have never guessed that what you were drawing was me, you see, I never thought of myself as being the epitome of beauty or anyone’s cup of tea.

I love that park, it left a mark on my heart and made my creativity spark. You could feel from benches away that I was deeply sad and you decided to come over and play the role of my dad. Later on, you told me you once had a daughter, her eyes sparkled as blue as the clearest of water. My eyes are brown but when I look down I mirror her image with long red locks and soft spoken talks. I cannot fathom what you had been through, yet you never acted blue, and always thanked each day for being brand new.

My friend, you always chose to extend your kindness, your strength, your love, and your grace. There was not a girl or boy, who would be incapable of feeling your joy. I think of your spirit being painted the color yellow, a joyful ray which somehow is simultaneously mellow. On the days I most needed a source of light, you had a smile that would shine so bright. You walked with such a sense of might, I could really use some of your strength tonight.

In my day to day, I felt misunderstood but for some unknown reason me and my rambling was something you withstood. With you words spilled out unbelievably easily, one could almost say it came breezily. My thoughts could freely flow, even when I felt low, or my pride had taken a brutal blow. It was easy to gauge, that you and I were not of the same age, nor life stage, but you empathized with even the ugliest fits of my rage.

My friend, it would have been so silly to pretend, that I could always comprehend what it was which you would intend. Yes, you were far beyond my years, but still we shared beers and made cheers, you even listened when I wept my tears. Despite its lack of fashion, in every interaction you met me with a sense of compassion.

Very few and far between expect nothing of me and still you chose to see what one day I could potentially be. My mother wants me to impress, my boyfriend prefers it when I undress, yet I digress. Without an ounce of judgement professed, you were simply there to listen when I expressed that I was distressed or even verging on depressed. Only you had nothing to gain, never told me to stay in my lane, only shared what you had to offer to stimulate my brain. When the cancer came, I wished so desperately to be able to take away your pain, yet I could not stop it from running through every vain.

My friend, I did not know you for very long, yet in my life you represented a figure so strong, that now with you gone I feel deeply wrong. We may not have been kin, but there was a connection just as true within. I never expected a dime, I only appreciated your time. You wrote that you wished to alleviate some of the sorrow which I undoubtedly will come to face tomorrow. I wish I had known so I could have thanked you, but with the wind your spirit had already blown along with the warmth for which you had always shown.

You know it’s funny, I am aware that this money ought to taste like pure honey, but still I do not feel sunny. Twenty thousand dollars will allow me to eat, afford me a home on your street, yet it tastes so bittersweet. I think I would rather choose to once again have just a moment of your time, it would truly feel sublime. Of course I am thankful, but I have yet to reach the point of being tranquil. I promise to put your gift to good use and stand strong in my views, your sage advice and wisdom is something I will never lose.

My friend, I know we were an unlikely pair but nevertheless with the way that you cared, no other could compare. You being gone feels unfair, I guess I had failed to prepare. But I know you would tell me not to despair and to fight through what feels like a nightmare. Now that spot in the park cannot help but feel dark, it lacks your presence, but still I feel your essence. So even though deep in my soul, I know that it was your time to go, it hurts like a blow, and I wish you were not the one six feet below.

Thank you for the photo of me you drew under that tree, it is by far my favorite possession, nearly an obsession. Thank you for choosing to see what maybe could be and not just focusing on my unprofound sense of misery. Thank you for showing me the way to be able to earnestly say that I am thankful for each and every new day. Thank you for sharing with me a drink and making me think, maybe god is not dead, maybe it was all in my head, you were the first one who had shown me all that Nietzsche had said.

My friend, I try not to cry, but the tears swell around my eyes because it feels too damn soon to say goodbye. I curse at the sky and ask why, but fail to receive any sort of reply. As your soul lays to rest, I wish you nothing short of the best. On my heart you impressed and in my mind you chose to invest, neither of which against I would ever protest. Your passing brought a deep sense of strife, as if in my heart there were plunged a knife, now I can only hope that maybe we meet again in the next life.