My Dearest Father I have Anxiety

Below is a poem I wrote about my anxiety and the challenges it brings with it. For example not everyone understands it and that is what I wrote about below. I, like many people, have struggled with anxiety among other mental health issues like depression for years. Although it has been hard on me and I wish I didn’t have these challenges, that doesn’t mean I can’t work on it and learn how to properly handle these issues in my life. So, by submitting this poem below I wish to bring mental health awareness to the community and if anyone out there reading this struggles with anxiety I want you to know that you are not alone and it is nothing to be ashamed about. You are important, and you matter, and you are loved. It is time to end the stigma around mental health. Mental health matters and it nothing to be ashamed about or embarrassed of when we are struggling. It can affect anyone so therefore we must please support and love everyone. I hope you enjoy my work.

My Dearest Father I have Anxiety

My dearest father

I have anxiety

Some days you ask me to explain it to you

Other days you don’t care

I try to explain it to you but my mind tells me you can’t understand and your face tells me you won’t

I have anxiety

You say that you get stressed out and can’t deal with work

But I tell you I get anxious and I can’t be around people

How can I make you understand they are two different things?

You tell me this is all just apart of being an adult

But I tell you this is all about me learning how to be comfortable in my own skin

I have anxiety

You take me with you to meet your friends out for drinks

You’re getting excited and I’m getting nervous

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest

I can hear my blood roaring in my ears as it rushes around in my head

While my thoughts begin to race and dive into chaos as they all come at once in my mind and twist together

“What if they don’t like me?”

I think

“What if I do or say something stupid and they judge me?”

I ask myself

I have anxiety

We get there and the restaurant is chaotic

You’re fine with standing trapped in a corner waiting for a table

But I am not

I feel like I’m suffocating

I have anxiety

The lights are bright

There’s too many people

Different noises are coming from all over and it’s so loud I have to yell to you so you can hear me when I tell you I want to go home

But you don’t understand why

Instead you look at me confused and unbothered by the insanity as you say, “But we just got here.”

I have anxiety

You tell me I have to grow up

While I’m telling myself that I’m okay even though I’m not

Why can’t you understand I am not like you?

You leave me alone in a room full of people to talk to your friends

I am left alone by the food with my shoulders up to my ears my back rigid and my hands shaking

I have anxiety

On a daily basis I have to keep my hands from trembling

My heart from pounding

My thoughts from racing

My dearest father please try to understand and accept that I am like this and please try to help me instead of yell at me because my dearest father I have anxiety

End