Mumtaz's Complaint

Dragged from pillar to battlefield camp - to be favoured

is not as glamorous as first it sounds. Other wives

are unloved, and sleep in luxury - while I am favoured

and muddy. I am kept awake all through the night

to share his woes and be reminded I am favoured

(like it or not) and oh! How beautiful our mausoleums

will be, side by side, the Shah and his oh-so-very favoured,

kind of exhausted and homesick -

Top Wife.

I'm up the duff again because I'm favoured

(he's never quite figured out how that works)

I wouldn't mind sometimes if number three was favoured

while I'm ovulating. I could hang out with the kids;

the servants could massage my aching (but favoured)

feet, I could catch a chess game or two - oh, shit.

Here's another palanquin I have to get in - 'favoured'

scream its golden ornaments. The carriers do not agree.

I can hear them grumbling through the curtains - favoured!

Why do we have to carry this Mrs

Top Wife?

I suppose we should be glad they're not equally favoured

or we'd have shoulder muscles like buffalo -

has she got one in the oven again? He's favoured

her a bit too often, if you ask me, hahaha.

Oi! I want to yell. I'm just favoured

not deaf. I could get them blown out of a gun

but I won't. That's why I'm favoured -

wise and reasonable, that's me. And too sexy

for my own good; that’s why I’m -

Top Wife.

-

I've always thought the life of Mumtaz Mahal sounded more exhausting than anything. From having to join Shah Jahan in his many military camps, to giving birth a whopping 14 times, she eventually passed away at the age of 38 or 39 from a postpartum haemorrhage. As far as historians can tell, his other, less favoured, wives outlived her.

Who knows, though? Maybe she had a fantastic time. She was an intelligent and accomplished woman, a poet and chess player, and she would have been no stranger to luxury (when she was at home, at least). It's not as if she had time to keep a diary and let us know!

Let me know what you thought of this in the comments.

If you like complaints, you might enjoy: