Message In A Bottle

Dear Old Me,

This letter is long overdue. I've been searching for you. I’ve been looking and lost so I decided to write you.

When exactly did we part? It’s hard to say. I am stuck between finding you and what does it matter anyway? My head spins and my chest pounds. I need self love, growth, and grace and I need it profound.

During this quest, I have done some digging and deep soul searching. I am caught in a whirlwind with all I have been learning.

‘I don’t do enough, I’m disorganized and forgetful’ are just some of my thoughts. My worth is based on someone else’s definition of production is the bridge that I bought. Were you like this? Full of self doubt, I don’t remember. A self scrutinizing people pleaser who has trouble speaking up?! Have I surrendered?!

Where are you old me? Do you want to be found? Where are you old me? I am tired of looking around.

Is it me? Am I really the problem? Nah that can’t be. My thinking has been backward. I am the key. I have dug deep enough, it’s time to stop and plant. It is all in my thoughts and words, stop saying I can’t!

I will. I can. I do. I am.

Out with the old and in with the new. I face the world equipped with evolved views. I am a parent now, you think that has something to do with it? Motherhood has slapped me with reality more times than I care to admit.

Life is different and so am I. My obsession with finding you has finally died. I have accepted the fact you are out in the verse being exactly who you are…the old you. I now know what to do. I was looking back while moving forward. I was confused, misaligned, and detached. I was on a constant personal attack.

Thank you old me for being true to you and staying old. Thank you for knowing your place and staying in the past. This feels great, I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew I wouldn’t fold.

Onward and upward is the only direction to go. Even when I think I’m down, I’ll still go with the flow. I’ll keep my head high and my vibrations even higher. I’ll also stop calling myself a liar.

I do enough, I am confident, fierce, and bold. When I come face to face with intrusive thoughts I will not fold. I will keep the lessons you taught me close and tight. I will try to remember them with all my might.

I'll end the letter here, I have written enough. I will not let you down, old me. I won't let myself down. My self love runs deep and so does this crown.

Love you always and forever,

Present Me