Memories of Us

Memories of Us

When we decided it was over, everything felt so final,

As if one day we’re partners and the next strangers.

As if our hearts were stripped away from our body

And the connection had tapered off just like our futures together.

I now believe, through the fog of my pain, our decision was clear,

Our time together was everything, but not meant to last forever.

And even though I’ve accepted that “now” reality,

I no longer hurt and fear the “what could’ve been”,

but more so,

I have fear of forgetting what was.

I fell hard, in the perfect story book kind of way,

From meeting, to hanging to kissing to the “ I love You’s”

it all fell into place.

And no matter where we go as individuals,

That illuminating high of what true and real love felt like,

Lingers.

Streaming past videos,

trying to remember the pure smile he used to give,

Or grasping onto the way he said “I love you”.

Rewatching times that were ours,

the uncomplicated, seeming less, simplistic content captured.

I wish I had more,

That I would have videoed more,

That I could collect them in a box and never lose them fully.

Unfortunately, you can’t shadow box your senses,

The care he cradled in his hands with every touch,

Or the trust and comfort caressed within his arms.

In a moment,

An experience is final,

And the memories are moments captured,

But are not palpable.

I ache because I once had it,

And I gave up.

I ache, because the emotional weight has been lifted

But the good memories have room to fly away.

The busier I stay, the more I forget about the loss,

But that in itself, that is what I’m afraid of most.

In retrospect, it was just the other day,

The more I move forward, the more I forget to remember.

Where does the line cross?

Between healthy space and memory loss.

I don't want to forget him,

I don't want to forget what made those two years whole.

To forget the smile that pursued my face with every kiss,

Or how he showcased love to me through respecting my heart and body.

But there came a point,

Where we weren't the same kids that fell for each other,

Separated by conflict,

Where easy conversations had expired.

That the pieces that once made us whole,

Were now what was falling apart.

It’s sad,

And a process

Definitely a new reality.

And it hurts,

Because its final,

because all those memories that were once remarkable and reminders

Now are tinted with that fact that all they will ever be,

Are memories.