Memories

I've created memories that have never happened

I imagine a world that we experience together

For every moment I'm alone, I imagine we're laughing

I imagine I am careful with your heart because it's delicate like a feather

So many things that remind me of you

That I wish you could see

I create a memory

Of me showing you

I pretend I am not alone, and I smile

Knowing you'll never know.

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I have memories of us together

Despite that reality being severed

I wish it could have been forever

I can't think of a number

Of all the times I've thought-

About you being my lover

I think we are fractured

So maybe together we are a disaster

Your love isn't what I'm after

That doesn't matter

I'd rather hear your voice and laughter

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Though sometimes I hope I am not the only one

With all this love

I question what's up above

That made me so obsessed with this drug

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Because God has already made his conviction

I am waiting to be finished

For the sins committed by my misconception due to my imperfect perception of this dimension

This life was only a short session

I am wishing

But I cannot be forgiven

What I will miss will outlive me for lifetimes because I never lived it.

I wish I could flip a dime to decide what is right

Because now I push aside

What I thought was right

Desperate to rationalize

What I thought was justified

For you

But I was scared

Due to my mind being torn

You were something so foreign

Nothing was the norm

I was scared to mourn for another who will be gone forever

For someone I will miss forever.

Now, I have memories that will never become.

Instead of being scared of what I didn't understand, I should've been mesmorized and wondered

Now I know what I do isn't fair