Me

The last thing I remember was going to sleep

Must have been so deep, I didn't hear my alarm beep

I don't know about Alice but this was not wonderland

But this is where I lost my inner mind

Haunted by the thoughts, day and night, they came

Thoughts that my parents hate who I became

I saw myself, a weak older brother

While hoping I could do a better job, one much easier

In the land, where I feel my friends hate me

A topic of their gossip and their secret meetings

I don't do friendships, It's a fear I dread

I don't trust tight bnds, it will always tear

People keep circles, I kept an acute angle

For in this land, I think alot and now I feel entangled

And to life I am a play toy

And the aim of life is to rid me of every joy

I always see myself as unworthy

Maybe this career of mine isn't my calling

Maybe destiny failed when my name was drawn

Sleep left and he took joy at the break of dawn

I always think my imperfections are ugly

And no matter what how much my babe tries to show me

All I see is hurt and pain and suffering

I wonder if there is taste of pain on my tongue everytime we're kissing

I always think of my coursemates and how they discuss me

About how I can't answer simple questions, it bugs me

It haunts me, what people say about me behind closed doors

I wish I could read minds but if I could, my hate for myself would be justified

And that's how I see myself

Never good enough, laughed at when I believed in love

And now I feel I am close to that door

And it scares me because I am with someone who deserves more

Me and my best friends, we are drifting apart

Drove so fast, the brakes are out of its own cart, without spare parts

Went off and now I neglect texts and phone calls

And damn, I don't even want to go out no more

Tis' me, naked to my reality

My personality, I mean my mentality

My perspective is all distorted constantly

And this isn't explaining half of this life-long dream

I block them out, headphones when I walk around

Hopefully one day, I'll wake up from this dog pound

For now I do know, I have a distorted reality

But how do I change it to what it is meant to be?