Me and Nancy

Missing people,

being alone,

is quite possibly the worst sort of discomfort.

That and hangnails.

Or dry eyes.

But to be honest I'd rather be with all my friends, a hangnail, dry, watering eyes, and all the ten plagues than be alone.

But Negative Nancy is here.

So I'm not completely alone, I'd have to admit, having her around.

I try.

I'm trying.

I go to socials.

I go to church.

I go play soccer.

I go meet people.

But none of them stick.

And that's okay.

You can't be friends with everyone.

Of all people, I know that.

I take comfort in that.

But I would've liked for some of them to stick.

This is hard.

Maybe I had just been lucky before?

Friends fell into my lap -

At random,

although I don't believe in random,

they were assigned to the same group, the same class, the same dorm room, the same ward.

Did I run out of luck?

Did I forget how to be social?

No, no I didn't.

I didn't forget.

Like I said, I go.

I go and I smile

and I laugh

and I joke

and I chat

and I do all the things I'm supposed to be doing.

I do it all right.

And then I get to that tell-tale part of every encounter.

The part that goes something like this -

Hey, how's it going? Got any fun plans this weekend?

Yeah! I'm going to a bonfire with my friends!

Oh sweet, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing this weekend...

Oh yeah? I'm sure you'll figure it out! Have fun! See you Monday.

And then it's just me, Negative Nancy, and our ever dependable pal Netflix.

The worst of it is that,

"you control your own happiness"

and

"if you want to make friends, go make friends"

and again, here we are.

I do.

I go.

I am trying.

But its not working...

rinse,

recycle,

repeat.

It seems someone is intending for me to learn some patience here.

So I guess for now it'll just have to be me and Nancy.

And Nancy is the worst.