Malaise of chewing

thesis: there’s a way that we all chew

Inherently

That brings about a malaise.

The malaise of the everyday dreary things we all do, must do to keep on

To get to the next day.

And yes, savory, crunchy, sour, bitter, salty, sweet

Soft.

To masticate: for some:

An expression of culture, of aromas, toasted spices, memories and sound, sizzling and gurgling and stirring and watching your family cook happily.

To chew: is to over-explore more wildly new flavors and be overwhelmed, to blanch out everything out of existence to just keep your mind on your meal, and what new vibrant, exotic ideas it will take your palate to—-

To over-eat. To let your stomach feel physically how sad you are; to not let your tears heal.

Thesis: I understand why I chew so fast on some days, yet on others I chew so slow.

I chew fast when I am anxious.

I chew slow when I am peaceful.

But overall, chewing brings about a malaise. It’s in my very blood and nature to know it’s the suspect of dysphoria

That my baby inside is blossoming

He is perfect, not broken

A spine I will keep whole.

My split fever of masculinity, no matter

It feels like a cover

As I faintly, daintily chew.

And I can’t help but think it’s because

Sometimes

I can’t help my little or big bites

Without

Wishing

You were by my side.