Madness, Crazy, Insane?
Are they all the same?
I grew up believing that men are alcoholics
and women are mentally ill, chronics
I wasn't the only one back in the day
because when I cried all-day
my mom said I was having
a nervous breakdown. It was nothing
like that. It was that I had been
working with the sexual assault
program on trauma and had seen
the truth to know it wasn't my fault.
My husband who I divorced a year before
asked to date my friend from grade four
and I was working with men
with the idea of being a woman,
a healthy female role model
for them. My sponsor said don't coddle
them men. Then said, "You aren't having a breakdown
rather you are having a breakthrough!
You probably do need a break though!"
She hooked me up with a treatment program she
was familiar with. I knew better but that is where I met he.
He would be my next husband. There was a reunion
and he was there as entertainment at
the treatment program. I didn't know he would be my next union.
I needed to get my mind off of everything that
had happened in my past.
Or I wouldn't last!
The madness, crazy, and even insane
could still happen. I was kept in the hospital
for 30 days and the only one sure I was sane
was my friends. I would walk across the parking
lot to the program I was in. Participate all day long,
and return at night for sleeping.
I truly wasn't sure all along!
The counselor had me hollering
outside as I confessed to having
screaming in my head.
A few others joined in.
They told the neighbors ahead
of time, they probably thought it was a looney bin.
I had been depressed since age ten.
Maybe even younger back then.
I had dealt with anxiety and panic
disorders that made me very sick.
I tried suicide once and woke up.
Someone said, "Permanent solution
to a temporary problem" and I said yup.
I wasn't that sure at the time, I learned to bargain
with God. I am sure now and I never tried it again.
Crazy? Maybe. Insane? No. Madness. Not yet.
Time to get
done with this
as others will be questioning is
she or not?
This is for the March Write Club Prompt.
About the Creator
Denise E Lindquist
I am married with 7 children, 27 grands, and 12 great-grandchildren. I am a culture consultant part-time. I write A Poem a Day in February for 8 years now. I wrote 4 - 50,000 word stories in NaNoWriMo. I write on Vocal/Medium weekly.
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Comments (5)
Sometimes I wonder if we are all seeing life through rose colored glasses. Do we even know who is who and what is what. I hope that you are doing well and send you hugs and blessings.
This is a powerful piece, Denise! Life has a way of dishing out some harsh lessons, and sometimes I wonder how any of us get through life. I love what you say about bargaining with God. That is so true! Thank you for sharing this impactful and inspiring poem. They say that what does not kill us only makes us stronger. (Sometimes I wonder about that, especially in the midst of struggle.)
I'm so sorry for all that you went through 🥺 Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
Life is unyieldingly cruel sometimes and we all get madness, crazy, and downright insane at times. Mental health, like physical health is on a continuum. (This too shall pass.) I confess that I scream, pound my fist on the table, and fold up in a fetal position at times. But then I pull myself up and carry on. Hugs to you and to the reality in which we live.
Powerfully written!!! Left some love!!!♥️♥️💕