Love Letter From a Ronin

I want to feel,

Not just emulate.

Her tears fall,

From those hate-stained eyes,

Hate because I cannot understand.

Understand,

That I have awoken her,

From that sweet cotton candy dream,

That is love.

Awoke her,

Not with a slight poke,

A soft kiss,

Or a hug.

But with a punch to the gut.

One so hard,

Violent,

And unexpected.

That she was knocked,

From her feet,

Flung into the dirt,

And she is covered in doubt.

The doubt,

That she will ever be able to,

Make her way back to that dream.

In this moment,

The pain is all that is real,

All that exist,

It terrifies,

And confuses her.

Like a child,

Afraid of the dark.

You put her here,

I have put her there.

Every tear that falls,

Is a deafening clarion,

of her soul.

Begging you to light the path,

And show her the way back.

Take her up in your arms,

Soothe her hurt,

Take her pain and replace it with

emptiness.

Take of her,

And give yourself unto her.

So she can fall back asleep,

Content with having completed,

What she feels she must do as a woman,

To make you feel like a man.

Make herself small,

So that you can feel big.

I wish I could accept that,

So desperately,

Because I do ...

I do love her,

I want to stop the pain,

I want to stop the tears,

I want to put her back to sleep.

However,

I cannot,

Because to do so would be to implicitly endorse her fallacy.

And I have done this,

For far too long.

I tire of this insanity,

Folding back and forth,

Into itself and under itself.

Like so many waves,

In a boundless sea.

The reality we choose to ignore,

So that we can continue living in this,

In between place.

The truth is,

There is a beast in our midst.

Which if we ignore any longer,

It will tear us apart.

It sharpens its claws,

In between the silences,

Of our conversations.

It licks its lips,

In the distance,

In our bed.

It swishes its tail with excitement,

In those few moments,

When we look into each other's eyes,

And see the seams of the fabrication,

But choose to blink.

Take up the sword with me,

And lets slay this beast.

It will,

Tear at our faces,

Batter our bodies,

Even slash at our throats.

But as long as we fight together,

We will prevail.

However,

If you choose to continue,

To leave me alone in this fight.

If the choice is to prostrate myself,

Before the insanity.

To continue this fractured,

Existence.

Hopping from moment to moment.

Alive in the spotlight,

And dead in the blackouts.

Only taking a breath,

When you relax the fantasy.

If this is all you have left to offer,

Then I choose exile.

I hope your beast is kind,

When it feasts,

Upon your sleeping form.

- Signed

A Ronin