Looking For Happiness

It feels like I am running out of time

like I am desperate for human connection

because I have been deprived of any real intimacy

my family didn't show emotion

most of my friends come and go

and I have never felt truly desired by anyone

I don't know what a romantic relationship really feels like

I can only wonder

so maybe that is why I am trying to love deeper now

because I finally see my family as flawed humans who also struggle

I want the friends I make now to last a lifetime

is it really so bad I want to spend time with them

and maybe that explains why this crush feels different

I have opened my heart to love

and something inside me is pulling my heart towards yours

I want to tell you

to talk to you about everything

to see you more

to do the little day-to-day things with you

to know what true intimacy feels like

and I only want it with you

I wish I could tell you now

just to get it out in the open

but somehow make it clear that I have no expectation of when you will feel it back

because it is you that makes me happy

even if we only ever call ourselves friends

I will love you

love is love

we get to be the ones who define what it looks like