Loaded

I wrote this during brunch yesterday. It was the first day in seven years that I wasn’t filled to the brim with medications. Long story short I spent many years getting misdiagnosed for what has now been fixed over the last few weeks. I was originally going to write a lengthy article, but this just leapt out of my head. For anyone dealing with chronic pain, please know there are others out there that are sharing your struggle. I hope that everyone gets as lucky as I recently have to get in front of the right doctor, and to have the life changing experience of going from being in pain everyday, to having it start to go away in what seems like overnight compared to how long it persisted. Stay strong for yourself. Stay strong for your family. It does get better.

The stain

Of chronic pain

Brought on by a sheet of frozen rain

Negatively infecting my brain

I’m loaded

But I can hold it

Pain in my side

Sometimes wishing I had died

But I have to keep moving

No other way

They need me here tomorrow

Just have to make it through today

Meds light my path

Wishing there was another way

The everyday grind

Not what everyone else means

But the coffee grinder in my hip

A slip

A fall

Constant feeling of missing my call

I’m here now

Finding my way

Wondering if this is where I should be

Reflecting on the paths that of past

Thinking of the amazement of being in the right place and time

The right person

To unwind the damage

Now, can I unwind the damage I’ve caused

She’s always been there

By my side

No matter the weather

No matter the tide

She is my wonderful wonderment

Somethings are meant to be

And there is no better place

Than having her here with me

Healing slowly

The physical is easy

The mental and emotional

Not so much

Years of persisting in a state of emotional pestilence

Gaining strength

To lend my support

So we can build our home

A fort of sorts

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