Letter 02/25/21

02/25/21

Dear Unnamed,

The first time I fell in love, I thought it would be the end of me. I was young and thought it would last forever. He was my best friend, and I thought there couldn’t be anything better.

We argued like an old married couple, but we never truly fought. I loved him in a way that made me think I knew the secret of true love. He loved me, too, but I refused to accept it. I thought he could never feel the same way about me as I felt for him. We never got together officially because I didn’t believe it when he said he loved me. Funny how our own insecurities and feelings get in the way of our own happiness sometimes, isn’t it?

The second time I thought I was in love, I think I was more in love with being so heavily loved, like how you are with me and the way I love you. I can’t be upset with you for it because I’ve been guilty of the same thing. Not to say he wasn’t thoughtful— he was. We just didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of important things and he was obsessive. He always talked about how when we were married this and when we were married that, and it was really stressful for me because he wasn’t who I wanted to spend my forever with.

Then the third time I thought I was in love, my mom hated the boy. She thought he was a twat and didn’t want him in our house. But he was kind to me and listened. He bought me my first ukulele, in which I have since found a passion. He said I was the first person he could imagine loving for the rest of his life. He was ready to propose to me with his mother’s second engagement ring after four months, which scared me off a bit. Mainly I left because of his selfishness. I was hospitalized and all he could focus on was how I made him feel by being in the mental hospital.

Then there was you, and you were the fresh air I desperately needed. It was like I was a drowning victim and you were the first clean breath I took after the damage was caused. You were beautiful and perfect and I couldn’t be more grateful to you. You loved me in a way I was unfamiliar with. You loved me so entirely but weren’t so unhealthily obsessive. You were reasonable. You paid attention to all the small things. You ate my banana ends and ate the mushrooms out of my food. You ran to me as soon as you got home from work and buried your face into my neck and breathed me in like I was all you needed after a long day. You always put yourself between me and the back of the couch because you knew I get claustrophobic and freak out if I’m stuck when I wake up. You kissed my fingers and cheeks in even numbers and symmetrically. You made me a flower because buying flowers makes me uncomfortable. You picked me up and carried me around and set me down on barstools. You danced with me like a lunatic and you described movies to me without me asking. You found a way for me to watch a foreign film with you just becasue you wanted me to be included. You did so much more for me and I couldn’t be more grateful for all the patience and kindness you showed me. Maybe I loved you more, but anyone who said you never loved me is a fool.

Love,

Yours