Junes Solar Return

The Moon shines no light on my 27th year on the 27th day

It’s the day after the 26th and no longer a parade

In the city that never sleeps my eyes burn as I cry

On the day of my birth, I ruminate on the last moments before we die

My dream blurred eyes opened on what was supposed to be a new day

Yet my mouth remained closed as my brain ran through all I wouldn’t say

Too Fat

Too loud

Too much to be loved

I daydream about who I truly am and what I wish to become

I pray to my ancestors to support and guide me so that I don’t succumb

No earthly mentors, guardians or parents to care for my needs

I always hold gratitude for the family created by trial watered seeds

Still, there’s the ache in what feels like my forever healing heart

For that family is anchored away and miles and miles apart

Brown eyes

Brown skin

Brown curls locked down

I look far into the future convinced it will simmer the anxiety of right now

I play pretend and walk straight as my back continues to bow

Heavy hands of sadness push sporadically against my chest

I wake again and again gasping searching crying for breath

I beg to be held and seen and protected as I walk through my soul chosen life

Eyes closed as I watch reruns of hope filled daydreams devoid of strife

Not light enough

Not straight enough

Not obedient enough for the users

I’m here through all the dark thoughts and heart ache and anxiety for the future

I’m here bearing witness to the brutality of All my people by our collective abuser

I’m here holding up my spirit as my proud pride is stomped back into reality

I’m here pouring cement to bury the fear of becoming another casualty

I’m here wondering where to give birth on an earth where darkness loves to hover

I am a Black first-gen plus-size Queer when the parade is over

So beautiful and bright

So loving and caring

So creative and Gay

It’s the New Moon on my 27th year on the 27th day

Yesterday was June 26th, the day of the Pride Parade

In the city that never sleeps I wipe my eyes dry

On the day of my birth I feel blessed to be alive

I sit excitedly by myself in front of my freshly baked cake

My mouth opens wide as I sing and blow out candles to the wishes I make