It Was With Me All Along

What made me unique?

It wasn't the first time I had seen or heard this question. I searched, and I think I finally have my answer.

Initially, I thought it was something physical, like eye colour. I come from a place where a large percentage of us had dark brown eyes, Africa, yes, though there were some people with hazelnuts.

I thought it was skin colour. Most of us were dark-skinned but there were a few who were light-skinned, so I thought that was what made them unique.

Some had dimples, others had a different hair texture, very few had freckles, and so on.

So, I became jealous.

Then what was it? I was the typical dark-skinned brown-eyed female. What made me unique?

Then, I went on to personality. My sister was spontaneous. My mother, also equally spontaneous. My father was more on the quiet side but had this charm one couldn’t overlook, then there was me, just…quiet.

I couldn’t make friends easily like my sister and mother, I couldn’t charm people like my father. Even they were worried and told me from time to time how I never warmed up to people.

So, I became angry.

What was wrong with me? Why didn’t I have my own unique trait?

Then I had an idea, what I thought was a brilliant idea at the time. I was going to blend the unique personalities of everyone around me until I came up with a concoction of uniqueness that I was sure no one would have.

I tried my sister’s spontaneity. That…didn’t work out for me. I have my high school to thank for that. I tried my mother’s. It was an older form of spontaneity, that also didn’t work out for me.

I tried my father’s charm. It also proved useless.

So, I gave up.

I couldn’t find it. To myself, I was just the average brown-eyed, dark-skinned girl I thought everyone saw. There was nothing unique about me.

So, I laughed at myself.

What would a girl who only had friends you could count on one hand be unique about?

So, I was back to square one. I would sleep and wake up hoping my eye colour changed to grey or would almost blind myself trying to see if there was anything different in my eye pattern, tried to straighten my hair hoping my hair would adapt to it and become that way…nothing.

So, I stopped looking.

Then someone told me.

“You have this calm aura around you…one that is mature for someone of your age.”

A compliment. I smiled. “Thank you.” or rather “Thank you, ma,” I said. She was my elder, so ‘ma’ was used as a term of respect.

Then again, but in different words

“Your aura is calming. I'm sure you have lots of friends.”

Someone less old, but above my age bracket.

I almost laughed, thinking how wrong that person was.

Then again.

“Do you know you have this energy around you? I feel so calm.”

This time, it was someone my age. We became friends that day.

So, that was it all along.

I tried so hard to copy everyone, I almost lost my own aura. It wasn’t something you would see or say every day. It wasn’t physical or entirely personality-driven, so not all would even notice it.

So, this dark-skinned brown-eyed girl had a calming aura. That was what made her unique.