It Might Never Happen

I have a problem,

Been going on a while,

Unless I remember,

I forget to smile.

It’s just not natural,

To turn my lips,

The wrong way round,

Like judo flips.

Been tickled by feathers,

Jokes have been deployed,

I’d laugh at my misfortune,

But that’s so schadenfreude.

The public hate me,

They hunt me down,

I’m on wanted posters,

In every town.

A hundred million pounds,

Is sitting on my head,

If I’m delivered smiling,

Alive or dead.

It’s not looking good,

In fact it’s grim,

I’m a dead man walking,

Unless I find my grin.

Doctors can’t help me,

Church has give in,

I’d ask them Why So Serious,

But I haven’t seen that film.

All the world’s a scowl,

Even Bono’s lost the plot,

Smiles has straightened out because,

Of something I forgot.

Only thing to do,

Is slip into a bath,

Tickled with a razor blade,

Now that should make them laugh.