Inevitable

The beast sleeps,

breathing deeply,

snoring loudly -

at peace within

the dirt of its home.

But the wintry air must cease,

just as the hoar frost must melt

before the persistent sun

and blinding light.

___

The beast stumbles out -

anxious and empty,

searching for something

to quench its months-long fast.

Spring is bearable,

but summer makes it worse.

The mirage of waves

tricks the mind to see

what is not there,

but awakens in the chest

a creeping fear of what

will surely come.

___

Leaves dance and fall

from lofty perches.

The wind cools as the sun fades.

Rot permeates the forest.

Animals fight or flee,

preparing for the return of the cold.

Fear has peaked -

anxious energy now at fever pitch.

The heat of the summer pales

in comparison to the roaring

of the hearth within the beast’s bones.

___

White powder falls

like frustrated tears

of defeat and acceptance.

It’s time to sleep -

to conserve what has

hopefully been saved.

But what is there to save

when fear kept the beast

from finding what it needed?

But it does not matter,

for hibernation is the cure

to awareness and responsibility,

and the fire will be doused

by the welcoming darkness

of its den.

___

Hungry eyelids close

on haunted pupils,

pulling the beast along

a listless path,

wandering through dreams

made corporeal,

until it awakes again

from winter’s icy grip

to see daylight once more.

_______

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I wanted to take a brief moment to thank everyone who has commented, liked, or shared my RE:SURGENCE poems. Having three of them make the top story this year has been humbling, to say the least, with one of them literally being my own suicide note that I wrote earlier this year.

In that regard, I want to assure my fellow writers and lovely readers that I am doing much better now and that it is safe to say I have made a near-full recovery. I have more good days than bad, and I am able to function and take care of myself. There are still some things I need to work on and improve, as the wounds from earlier this year have not quite healed, but being able to share my own pain, experience, and creative passions here has helped more than I can put into words.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart to the Vocal Team, and most importantly to you reading this now.

Remember that your life has value, even if you can't see the meaning in it right now. Tell a person you love how much they mean to you. Take a step outside and breathe in the air. Appreciate the little things. Take that step, even if it is scary.

You got this!

- Amanda Starks

This is the 17th poem in RE: SURGENCE, a poetry collection by Amanda Starks that shares what it's like to have and fight against mental illness in a free-form, lyrical prose.

Be aware that topics and themes may include suicide, self-harm, and isolation.

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If you want a free copy of RE: SURGENCE in an online, fully formatted PDF document, subscribe to my email newsletter at www.amandastarks.com ( found under the CONTACT tab ), and it will be in your inbox once all the poems have been published here!