Indecision

I am on the precipice of my life

standing on the edge

looking down at the rugged shore

and my ocean of indecision

sometimes I like to buy into that positive self help bullsh*t

and tell myself "you are the master of your own destiny"

"you can achieve anything you put your mind to"

but nothing has felt so far from the truth right now

I feel as if I have so many places I could turn to

but at the same time, I keep driving around the round about

not taking an exit

stuck in constant orbit

this lack of purpose causing a storm of anxiety in my head

where will tomorrow take me?

where am I going?

and I admit I have been going nowhere fast

and a break is exactly what I needed

because I learnt to enjoy the simple things

realised that this beautiful life was worth living

and if I lived in a different world, with different rules

I might continue as I am

just being, enjoying, relaxing, writing, thinking

but I don't make the rules

and there are bills to pay

and I must pave a way forward, in a different way

I keep wishing it would come to me in a dream

that I would wake up, and know what I wanted to be

as if who I was wasn't enough

and find a way to go back to selling my soul and my time to another company whose only goal is the $

but now I have perspective and none of that makes sense to me any more

so I am stuck in my indecision, with no roadmap out of here, today at least

I will try again tomorrow