Illness or inner child?

Unless I write the feelings from inside of my head out in black and white, they will slowly continue to form some type of storm inside of my mind. I feel pressure inside this skull of mine and the more I think, the more it pounds. Trying to rest and relax is not as fast as it sounds.

Seeking clarity may not always be my gift. I face uncertainty and too many “what ifs”. Wondering and pondering not only on my past, but every decision and every choice that lead me down this path.

Here I sit in this agonizing pain, something is trying to get a hold of me as easy as it may seem.

Am I ignoring some type of call?

Are they being screened?

Why is it that my thoughts are almost screaming at me.

Do I need to wake up?

Is this some type of bad dream?

I take a few deep breaths and tell myself “it will be alright” maybe if I focus enough on breathing I can sleep well throughout tonight.

I realize I have many thoughts conjuring up this storm, at first there was a little rain but it is thrashing like a hurricane while other areas are showing signs of quaking.

Fears, worries, stress… a tornado of neurological mess.

This is why they say to listen to your heart.

As I take a deep breath, I must check into how it is feeling and maybe I can get a fresh start.

Traveling down I enter something dark and cold. I need a light to see what is going on as the dampness unfolds.

The pain isn’t in my head, there is a volcano erupting right inside my chest. No wonder I cannot put my head to rest. Down this tunnel in my heart there is a little girl in distress.

She is terrified alone and afraid. I tell her she is strong and she has to be brave.

“Everything will be alright hush child come with me. Take my hand there are plenty of wonderful life experiences waiting for you to see.”

She starts to scream and now I realize where it was coming from earlier in my mind.

“The world is scary and unfair!” she yells as tears are storming down her eyes.

My head and heart are connecting now as I choke back my pain. Here I was thinking I was being haunted by demons or evil lurking from my brain. Meanwhile it was the helpless inner child of mine, sad about losing some of the best people she ever had. Terrified to love because the suffering drives her mad.

She points at the tunnel's walls, now I am looking at my heart. I see molds, memories, and faces of the ones I love and still love who left their mark.

We hug each other and both cry.

I tell her, “It is going to be alright. Instead of these beautiful people and experiences being hidden in the dark, how about we create some light and turn these walls into a work of art?”

We both stand tall with new hope as light immerses and the tunnel transforms before our very eyes.

The storm stops and the halls are lit. Now I see an elegant private museum.

I look at my younger self and she smiles back at me.

I ask her, “Would you ever want to open up for the whole world to see.”

She smirks and says, “Maybe... The world is always in need of more love and bravery. They should know to be their own hero and save themselves as you saved me.”