if

For Rick's interesting "If" prompts, which can be found embedded below if you'd like to give it your own try.

If I were a rich man

dibidibidibidiii I wouldn't have to dibidibidum, if I were a wealthy man.

If I could fly

My neighbour would need to visit a car wash daily

If I were a dog

I'd probably run in front of the aforementioned car.

If I were the moon

I'd change my loop to an oval to fuck up the weather system for giggles.

If I were the king

In the great (translated) words of Vincente Fernandez in his iconic Mexican ballad, El Rey, "With money and without money, I always do what I want, and my word is the law. I have no throne or queen. Nor anyone who understands me, but I'm still the king!"

If I could be at two places at one time

I would have a really great alibi.

If I were a car

I'd probably be impounded after being used in a vehicular manslaughter case.

If I was money

It'd never be in anyone's pocket again.

If I were a painting

I'd be covered in oil.

If I were to go insane

I'd be like everyone else.

If I were the President

I'd see if I could get a better handicap in golf than Trump and a better handicap mentally than Biden.

If I were a good man

It would be harder to win.