If I die tonight

I see beauty in dark things.

In the abstract sides of life.

Nights are my favorite times.

My creative juices flow in the depth

Of darkness.

The wild and wondrous words

Make their appearance.

Sometimes in laziness, I do not rise from my bed

To journal these thoughts.

And so, I lose them by morning light.

So, now, I endeavor to rise up, from my darkness

Now and always, to note my treasured gems.

Darkness holds many secrets.

I have many secrets to tell.

I kissed a boy.

He was not mine.

He was divine.

What?

She does not want him anymore.

She left him vulnerable, like me.

He was dark inside, sad,

Lonely, like me.

He started it. Not I.

There I sat, minding my business

When up he came behind my chair

Massaging my shoulders.

Stop. Go away, no thank you

I yelled.

He threw up his hands, smiled.

You seemed tense, he offered.

If I am, that is my business,

Go away. NO THANK YOU!

He went away, laughing.

Next day, he was back.

Standing there cheekily,

Extending his hands.

Ok, fine, go ahead, massage away.

I am tense, I said with a serious look

Upon my face.

Massage, ending abruptly by me.

GO AWAY. Scared him silly.

I did.

He cannot be mine. Yet!

He awakened feelings, feelings better

Left un-awakened.

Feelings unexpected and a little

Delightful.

A delightful, wickedly concocted conundrum

Better left unexplored.

Now, I see him across the room all day.

A secret smile upon his face.

I ignore him. At least I try.

That smile, imploring me to do

Wicked, dark things.

I love dark things.

We are wicked. Became dark.

Dark was bad. Dark is so good.

We were happy.

Then life ripped us apart.

I had to go. He was sad. I was mad.

We are in distance, still we converse

I feel like I died. So does he.

Where does it all leave us.

I wonder.

I ask the question.

If I die tonight, will you be there?

Please be there.

Don't leave me in the dark.

N.A.