I will not be an inconsiderate mom even though I was raised by one.

“You pulled my ear hard and told me I’m a dumb girl”

My mom: “I don’t remember doing that”

“You compared me to your friends’ sons and daughters”

My mom: “I don’t remember doing that”

“You blamed me for not knowing your login information”

My mom: “I don’t remember doing that”

You obeyed your whale friend on how to discipline me, was it necessary to hit me?

My mom: “I don’t remember that happening”

Well guess what mom? I fucking remember,

I fucking remember when you didn’t say anything while I was being bullied. I fucking remember having to deal with harassment from your friend’s sons while she was taking care of me.

And I ask myself, if you truly don’t remember,

Did I mean nothing to you when I was a child?

Tell me if my feelings matter to you now that

I am a mom,

If you truly don’t remember, what important things

do you remember then?

If you truly don’t remember, do you purposely forget when you create wounds?

I also think about what you would say to me

if you do remember:

You would say something like

“When I was your age I dealt with so much and I didn’t complain”

Mom, maybe you didn’t complain, but you were still hurting,

And I wish you wouldn’t put me through what

your parents put you through.

I will fucking remember when my daughter cries,

And I’ll be there to ask her: “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Unlike you, I won’t say to her that I’m her

mom and she can’t go against me because of that.

Unlike you, I won’t call her disrespectful if she

doesn’t think like me, instead I will be willing to

listen to her.

Instead, I’ll put others in their place if they

dare to think that their kids are better than her,

Remember that time when your friend’s daughter

got straight As in elementary school and you would tell me that Cs and Ds won’t get me

anywhere? You believed that grades are what determined success.

But I won’t be like that towards my daughter,

I’ll explain to her that not understanding a specific topic doesn’t equal her being a stupid girl.

I mean, you know nothing about writing, nothing about literature or poetry, and I never considered you to be stupid.

Mom, I still love you, but I don’t feel a strong bond,

I want my daughter to love me and feel like she can trust me.