I should diet

I should diet

I’m kinda fat and I don’t want to be that

I should diet

But it is cold and lonely under this roof

And there are ghostly sounds

I am haunted

By the echoes of forks scraping porcelain

And the soft whisper of butter scraped over warm toast

My stomach howls

I should diet anyway

But goddamn, it’s hard when spectral food hovers like a phantom

At the corner of my eye

To hell with health!

To hell with control of the self

Let me give in to all hungers

Like a wolf in the dead of winter

I am taken by the spirit of gluttony

Ravenous

I gnash my teeth to devour it all

I help myself to bowl after heaping bowl of cereal and ice cream

Rice and beans

And some salad to maintain the illusion of control

Growling and snapping my teeth as I swallow down impossible chunks of food

Cake

Cheese

Pasta

Soon my big fat belly is distended

Like a balloon

Ready to burst

Full to overflowing

But wait, there’s more!

Meat and salsa

Some hot sauce

I grill up a sandwich

With mustard (and a hefty bag of chips) for good measure

Then I shovel blueberries and oozing ripe cherries

Past my chomping teeth and down my snarling gullet

All to smother the screams of my vagus nerve,

Demanding

MORE

Condiments and juices of ever color—

Splatters of blazing color!

They drip down my beard and paint the ceiling, walls, and floor

It’s like I’ve had a food fight with my house

And won

Victory!

But at what cost?

I look down

And laugh in dismay

My clean white shirt is not clean

Nor white

Anymore

Stretched tight over my profound gut, this fabric was only an innocent bystander

Lost to the violence of my hunger

Collateral damage in the war I have waged against my body

I paw my soggy, sorry shirt

I know these stains will never come out

But I liked that shirt

I should tie it up in rubber bands

Then

I should dye it

And

Maybe too

I should diet

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Author’s note: just for fun! I actually am dieting and surprisingly enough I’m enjoying it.

I’m on an intermittent fasting schedule which has improved my energy, sleep quality, mental clarity, happiness, and sense of self control :)

But I wrote this self-parody about the mind frame I used to carry regarding food, it’s exaggeration of course.

But only by a little lol