i see her in my dreams.

when i was six years old, 

i'd always try to pull 

a fast one over on 

my mom. 

see, 

i didn't want to go to bed

when it was supposed to be 

my time to go to bed.

i wanted to stay awake 

and spend more time 

with her.

so i'd do as i was told 

and crawl into bed, but 

within moments of being tucked in, 

i'd jump out of my sheets and tell my mom 

i was having a nightmare. 

she'd always say that 

i have to fall asleep first 

in order to actually have a bad dream, 

but now that i'm much older 

and she's dead, i don't necessarily 

think that's the case anymore. 

i think life 

can become a nightmare itself, 

and i know that's the case 

because mine has. 

lately, 

i like to sleep more than ever 

because the only time i can spend 

with her nowadays is when

she appears in my dreams.

☽